I Dont Even Care Enough About The Eclipse To Blog About It

The entire internet is up in arms about the eclipse that is about to happen and I don’t care about it enough to even post a blog about it.

“But Chaps, the sun is about to be hidden! Can you believe it? We haven’t seen this in one hundred years or more!”

So what. I haven’t had a firm bowel movement in over a decade but you don’t see the liberal media talking about that for weeks on end. Convenient, right?

If you didn’t have to take all these crazy steps to enjoy the eclipse, maybe I’d be on board. But in typical sun fashion, you can’t just go outside and enjoy it. The eclipse is just another example of the sun ruining fucking everything. I’m not driving my ass to the library to get some free glasses so I can safely look at the sun for a few hours. All these damn solar binoculars and whathaveyou. Buddy, there’s a reason why I have several crockpot meal books sitting on my desk at home. I like things with no fuss. This eclipse is all about the fuss and I’m done with people who care about it one way or the other.

I hope all you sun lovers have a great time, though. There’ll be less of a line when I go and order my afternoon pumpkin spice latte, and for that, I’m grateful. #PumpkinSZN