The First Lesson They Teach You In Zamboni Driving School Is To Not Crash Directly Through The Door
There really aren't many occupations out there that lend themselves to alcoholism quite like being a Zamboni driver. It's one of the very few jobs out there that people get better at if they have a little buzz going. You get to just hang out at the rink all day, wait for a bunch of little shitheads to be done their practice, rip a few laps around the rink on the 'Boner, and polish off a few drinks in between.
You just can't be completely HAMMERED when you're on the clock. You can't be so gone that you bust through the door and shatter glass everywhere on your way out onto the ice. That's day 1 stuff, really.
Now here's where I'll give this fella some benefit of the doubt--maybe I just haven't been to enough ice rinks recently, but since when do Zamboni doors in the corner raise up like that to open? You'd never see this happen when you actually have to swing the doors open. What are we doing here? Is this some Elon Tesla shit? Why are we treating this Zamboni door like it's a Lamborghini?
On the bright side, coach just found a new way to get all the kids on his team to quit messing around during practice. I mean look at the way they all just stopped right in their tracks and went silent.
Trying to explain a drill and those little knuckleheads won't stop talking? Just get the Zamboni driver to come busting through the boards like the Kool-Aid man. That'll get them to tighten up real quick.