I Am In Search Of Professional Help Because My Football Fandom Has Become A Problem

It pained me to even put this video at that top but it's important to understand where I am coming from this morning.

For those who are unaware, Army lost in the most painful fashion that I can recall in a very long time. Maybe this is recency bias, but Saturday's loss was the worst one I witnessed in my nearly 38 years as an Army Football fan. We had some very lean years for a period of time while I was part of the team and then basically for the next 10 years following my graduation. Some (Chaps) called it the Connor Curse. That is neither here nor there but this past weekend doesn't come close to our loss against Oklahoma in 2018 or Michigan in 2019. Those would've been immensely cool to win and certainly program lifters. But the sting wore off much quicker than USF on Saturday. 

Something fundamentally changed in my chemical make-up in 2016 and wouldn't you know it, that is right when we decided to get good again. Since 2016, we became competitive complete with a bunch of CICs, bowl wins, a conference championship in our first year in the conference, top 25 finishes, and national awards recognition. When that happened, my expectations going into games changed and as such, my reactions to the outcome of the game changed. 

My fandom of Army is not unique as there many people across the country who root for the school they played for once upon a time. You might google my name and see that I didn't take many snaps under center. You won't see that I played in all 11 games my senior year or that I was a grad assistant coach for a year. I say all of that to say, I don't think how much you played or how successful/not successful you were factors in here because I know guys that were stars of our teams that don't carry losses around the way that I do. 

Which brings me to where I am at now because I cannot make sense of why I am so physically and mentally impacted by a game that I didn't influence in any way, shape, or form. This is the major problem we have on our hands. On Saturday, when that receiver made the catch I was sick to my stomach. My fuse got shorter for the next hour or so. Everything my wife or kids said or did made me irritable. My mood was God awful. We were set to host that night and I didn't want to see anyone. (Sidenote - we obviously still had friends over because I am not a lost cause psycho and we all had a really nice time.) But why? Explain that to me. Conversely, it is the most amazing feeling to be in a great mood when you win. Especially, if it's a big game or in dramatic fashion. The cherry on top is when it's in such a scenario that everyone is talking about your team in a positive way. That is super fun and happens less for Army than it probably should have over the last decade but I am biased. 

Now, I am not suggesting that I should care any less about Army. I think it is healthy and normal to have a team that you root for each fall. I want those boys to win every game they play. I just want my physical wellbeing to stop taking a header into the Grand Canyon if we somehow fall short. I am not the best version of myself when Army loses. I am saying that half joking and half serious. I have a real-live family that I am responsible for on a daily basis. It's not amusing to say, "Oh, we don't talk to Connor if Army loses." That is a childish statement. Grow up. On the other hand, can you please respect my passion? Without passion for entities and people, what do we have in this world? 

What is the point of all of this? The point is that I need a professional to assess me and tell me how to love Army football with every ounce of my being while simultaneously act like nothing happened regardless of the outcome. That might mean I become neutral after major wins too but if that is the only downside, I think I have to sign up for that?  

So this is me, asking you, can you please help me?