People Getting Interior Designers For Their Kids' Dorm Rooms Is America At Her Best

svetikd. Getty Images.

There is a lot to unpack here so let's take it one bite at a time mmkay? 

I say "I hate it here" tongue in cheek because even though this "business" makes me shake my head, it also makes me smile. 

For starters, I am woefully unqualified to be writing this blog if we are being honest with each other. I lived in a barracks where every room looked the same with the exact same amount of boring mixed with simple. In fact, there was a handy dandy guide that told us exactly how everything needed to look down to how we folded our socks to make them smile. True story. (In case you're new around here, I went to West Point. Hang around and you'll discover I find unfathomable ways to wedge that into conversations.) Anywho, I did visit plenty of dorms across the country at friends' schools so I am not completely blind to what a standard dorm room looks like at Joe Blow University, USA. 

We are talking approximately 200 square feet filled with poor decisions and sleeping late. Why does that matter? Well, because it doesn't take much to "decorate" a 200 square foot room. 

Enter this mom from the above video. She will have you convinced she is going to curate a picturesque college dorm experience and truthfully, I left those 180 seconds a little scared. 

Is this room for a college freshman or my 3 year old daughter? Truthfully, that color pattern screams I eat my chicken nuggets cut up into little pieces. The pink stuffed rotary phone? The polka dot rug? If I walked into this room as this girl's brand new friend from class, I am walking out thinking she's a little weird. 

That armoire looked incredibly flimsy and she was showing it off like a ground breaking piece of furniture. "Look. It has drawers. You can put stuff in the drawers." My head is still shaking. One aggressive pre-game in the room when Tim from down the hall comes in hot off a power hour and that thing snaps when he sits on it. 

The creepiest part though? Here's a picture of my son that you've never met that I framed for you. Now, is that a kitschy joke? Sure, but I've always been uncomfortable around parents who try too hard to push their kids into relationships with others so maybe that's a hangup for just me. Good for mom being proud of her son but also, how many dorm rooms of strangers are you putting his picture in for incoming freshman girls? Yikes. 

But the part of this that makes me smile is that only in America can this business exist.  

Are you kidding me?! Lady is making nearly half a million dollars to do this work?!

Giphy Images.

God bless. You could take a picture of this empty room, plug that into AI, and have it spit out a design for you that cost you a few hundred dollars at Target and looks infinitely better. However, even before AI started dominating our lives, it was my understanding that most parents would help decorate their kids' dorm rooms as part of the move-in process in college.

This woman convinced parents that they needed her "expertise" on dorm rooms. I know nothing about interior design. Nothing. My wife handles everything. At most, I am responsible for handling the returns when a rug doesn't suit her eye the way she originally planned. However, I could handle decorating a college dorm room. Why? Well, because it isn't difficult to put some linens on a bed and get an Target dresser and desk into one tiny room alongside some Home Goods knick nacks. 

This is just the latest example of "the college bubble has to burst soon" that we've seen the last decade. 

The real shame is that one month into the semester, this room will look nothing like this. It will be dirty, there will be clothes everywhere, that ugly painting will be thrown out a window, and this girl will be calling home asking for a larger allowance so she can move into an off-campus apartment with her new friends. 

Only in America.

P.S. If there any parents out there thinking about hiring this woman for $20K, I am now offering a service that will only cost you $1000. It's pretty simple, yet effective. You call me and tell me why you want to hire this woman and I tell you that you're a moron. I will then text you a link for cheap dorm room furniture. Boom, you just saved $19K. You're welcome. 

Venmo - @ConnorJ9 - I am taking donations for my advice as we speak.