Life Of A Suburban Dad Volume 4: Identifying The Best Time To Leave For A Long Drive With Small Children PLUS Road Trip Rules

There comes a time in every suburban dad's life when he has to load up the family station wagon, whip out the travel atlas, and hit the open road for hours to get his family to a vacation destination. In some cases, families will fly to their destination but there is something about a good old fashioned road trip somewhere that is a rite of passage for a dad. At this destination, there are memories abound that await him - kids laughing and flipping out, a bed that doesn't feel like home, forced pictures, staying up past bedtime, eating out at quirky restaurants, and a litany of random occurrences that only happen when you get away from home. 

I say all of that tongue in cheek. I love trips, especially those with my family. Part of the charm of family trips are how easily memories are made. I especially love road trips and the destination doesn't even matter. Actually, there was one time when it mattered. I had to drive solo from Jersey to Oklahoma to start my Army career after only 30 days of leave following a not-so-traditional college experience. That road trip wasn't fun. However, my orders changed one week later and I had to make the drive back to start my career in a new, more desirable location. I digress. 

To date, I have done multiple road trips that were 3-5 hours in duration with one child and survived. Thrived, even. However, we have a trip coming up that will be 5 hours with two children. We are going away for a long weekend with two other families to a family home with 5 children under 3 years old. 

Giphy Images.

That, in and of itself, is chaos. It is for sure a manageable chaos, but this is not relaxing on a beach with a good book. Speaking of, 

Anywho, any time we go on a trip that involves a long car ride, I immediately revert to Army mode. My wife hates it and while I don't make her write out a full five paragraph OPORD, I get anal about details. There have been trips where I nearly got myself kicked off the trip before it started because of how annoying I became. Good rule - if your wife was not in the Army, it is not advisable to speak to her like she's one of your Soldiers. It is best to speak to her like a battalion commander - utmost respect and do not give orders. 

One of those details that is of the utmost importance is what your SP time (starting time) is and by the way, don't say "SP" because your wife will look you dead in the eye and say, "Please stop with your dumb Army lingo, it's not funny." With two children at very specific ages, it can vary greatly. 

As an aside, the funny thing about my tweet above is that there is no "correct" answer to this question. Even if you had two children that were the exact gender and age of my kids, it wouldn't matter. It harkens back to my advice I tell soon-to-be parents, "Don't listen to other people's advice because every kid is different." 

I also find it funny when people completely change the circumstances with their qualifiers before they answer. I say my kids are 3 and 10mo and we will be in the car for 5hrs and @John1058487Boy says "Well, when we went for 15 hours to Disney with my 10 and 8 year olds, we left at this time." Cool. Thanks. I am kidding. I do appreciate all of the responses knowing how many other parents have found themselves in a car with small children who may, or may not, be little gremlins. 

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As I said, there is no correct answer to the best time to leave. Different times work for different families. I honestly wish it was as simple as 2+2=4 but it is more like 2+2=fish. Here are some principles that I believe are non negotiable though:

Packing the car

Your car needs to be packed well before you're leaving. You should not be putting things into the car as your are about to start your drive. You should be able to get bodies into the car and go. Packing in a rush before you're heading out almost guarantees something is left next to the door. Especially if you do not have…

Packing Lists

I have a saved note on my phone for PCC/PCIs (Pre combat checks/pre combat inspections). If I am going anywhere, I am making a list and this is a very common tactic for many. This is the best way to ensure nothing is left behind, especially with small children. There is nothing worse than being 2 hours into your trip and realizing you forgot something. Shout to Mrs. McCallister. I also hate "if we forgot something, we will just buy it when we arrive." You can never assume that you'll be able to find the thing you forgot to pack. Not to mention, that takes time away from your vacation. 

Identifying your route

People might say this one is dumb but I like to take a look at my route before I drive anywhere. Yes, I use GPS during the drive but something about understanding where I am going puts me at ease. I think it is also helpful to identify potential locations where you will stop for a meal or stretch. You never want to find yourself with a toddler yelling, "I gotta go potty" in the back seat after you just passed the "next rest stop - 20 miles" sign. 

Food

With children, I want to eliminate stops as much as possible. This means you have to pack enough snacks to feed a full platoon. However many bags of Pirate's Booty you think you need, just double it. Bottles for that baby? Enough for a full day in the cooler. Any parent will tell you that snacks can save you in a dire situation so you do not want to be caught with your pants down. 

Entertainment
I won't get into the great tablet debate right now, but my wife and I have only put a tablet in our kid's hands during long road trips and plane rides. Part of the pre-trip list should be charging your tablet. This should go without saying but I've heard horror stories of parents handing over a tablet to a screaming child only for it to not start bumping Disney+. Having an uncharged tablet is a close second to running out of snacks as worst things to happen on your ride. 

Last and maybe most important….

Patience

This one, especially for me, is easier said than done. You're going on a vacation. Vacation is supposed to be fun. We're having fun! Take a breath when things are off the rails and remember your wife or husband is there to help, not make things harder. Car rides can be a fun time to make memories with your family and I am writing that mostly as a reminder to myself. 

I really enjoyed everyone's responses to this question. It's fun to hear little hacks from other folks on what has worked and not worked. I appreciate the parenting journey and hearing about other folks' paths.