These Birds On The Jersey Shore Have Unloaded To Most Violently Sinister Amount Of Shit Onto This Car Parked Under Their Nest For Days
When you head to the Jersey Shore for the summer, dealing with some bird shit just comes with the territory. Everyone thinks it's so funny to feed seagulls a bunch of food on the beach. These flying rats are eating french fries, deli meat, funnel cake, you name it. The average diet of a seagull on the Jersey Shore is pretty much the same as Ohios Tate's first few months while living in Chicago. Disgusting creatures.
But we're talking about being on the receiving end of a gross poo or two.
We're not talking about your car getting an entirely new paint job because some birds posted up in a tree decided to have a full blown rapture out of their ass, and they unloaded payload after payload onto your hood. The shit we just witnessed right there is pure Armageddon. Holy shit, pun intended.
What the actual frick are these birds eating? That's not just french fries and funnel cake. This is violently explosive. This looks like it would takes weeks to build up that amount of bird shit. We're talking a full night of drinking beers, mixed drinks, shots, several slices of pizza at 2am, a few leftover tacos at 3am, and a random ham sandwich you found on the side of the street at 4am.
Usually I hate signs when it comes to parking. There's nothing worse than having to figure out what specific pocket of the day you're actually allowed to park in a spot. No Parking Monday thru Saturday from 6am to 6pm except for Wednesdays from 3pm to 4pm and also maybe it's handicap only Tuesday through Sunday from 5:12 to 5:43 pm. You need a degree to decipher parking signs sometimes. But unlike the bird shit, this sign is pretty fucking cut and dry.
Warning: Poop Zone.
You got all the warning you needed. You knew the risks when you parked there. You understood you were leaving your vehicle in a clearly defined "poop zone". You thought maybe you'd get a couple splatters on the roof of your car or something, but nothing could have ever prepared you for the ferocious dumps left on your car.
And if you thought you'd never see more bird shit accumulated on a car before, here's a quick update.
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I don't know much about cars, but I'm pretty sure that is totaled. You leave that car there for the rest of your life. That way nobody else can ever park in that spot and suffer the same fate you were just dealt.
Seriously though, somebody needs to figure out what is wrong with these birds. That can't be natural.