Stephens Ace List - Defending ESPN's #1 Sports Pundit For Playing Solitaire During The NBA Finals
Let's not pretend we can't all relate here. The only thing worse than getting caught green-handed playing games on our phone at work is when there's video footage of it. Even Shaggy would have a hard time talking his way out of this one, but that's the task of this blog. The entire internet is piling on top of him even more than his two left-most columns and I have to believe there's a very plausible explanation here. And the worst part is not one person has even offered any advice on how to get things going on those right-most columns.
Lawyer hats everyone!
(I'm not a lawyer, but I did take the LSAT from one of those paper back books once when I considered the career for about a week and a half and scored in the low 70 percentile which would have been easily good enough to get into a school with the prestige of say, DeVry Law)
As Stephen's rep the first thing I would like to do in court is to tell Stephen to put his phone down or at least put it on silent in case it makes noise when the cards go berserk after you win. But the next thing I'd do is stricken his statement "This is going 7 games now peeps". As your fake non lawyer lawyer Stephen, let's rethink telling the world we played six solitaire games before-hand. Impressive - but not exactly helping. Let me do the talking here.
Stephen also said he was only playing during timeouts despite footage of the game on his screen during live action. Now - you'll notice no finger movement and his head is positioned towards the game. Let he who never left his screen on socials while watching a game cast the first foundation pile. That's plausible deniability. If the thumb don't move, you must approve. Timeouts aren't forever and you need that screen on and ready to go.
Now you might ask - shouldn't someone who's the number one person on the number one sports network be giving their full attention to their job? That's a great question, and one that I would love to avoid answering at this time. But let me think of something here. Gotta dig deep into that 70th percentile LSAT score.
It's just a regular season game, who cares?
It's just the first round, who cares?
There'll be another round after this, who cares?
It's just the first game of the Finals, who cares?
It's not during live action, who cares?
It's not even a good game, who cares?
It's not even a closeout game of the Finals, who cares?
That's where my defense strategy is at so far. And I think we can all agree if a player on the bench busted out their Windows 95 games app for a quick break Stephen A would applaud this. Basketball is a mental game and nothing prepares you for a Box and 1 defense better than putting 52 rectangles in four. Imagine something pumping you up more than seeing an accordion of cards taking up your screen before getting back in the action. Scoff all you want, that was the peak of computer game graphics back in the day.
Not buying this?
Fine. Time to dig deeper. The truth of the matter is this was all planned as a campaign strategy for Smith's potential presidential run. Think about it. Half the country would be thrilled if this is all the president were doing, and the last president would be thrilled if he were capable of it. Think of all the boring work meetings president's have to sit through. It's the perfect job for Stephen to become the worlds best solitaire player all while giving us the entertainment of seeing what takes he'll have when he has to speak.
The defense rests it's columns.