The New Face Of The NBA Is Officially Shai Gilgeous-Alexander And He Is A Functioning Foulcoholic
Ever have a friend you knew was deep in addiction yet seemed so put-together in every social situation? And while they may have been sociable anyway, their unnatural fuel took it to another level which kept opening doors to more success. Success they not only benefited from - but you as well.
That's what the NBA must be feeling right now. While LeBron and Steph Curry are still more than relevant, neither are even remotely league alphas anymore. Jokic is the closest thing to it but doesn't play like your classic NBA mega-star. Giannis is close, but seems to have hit his ceiling. Luka is fat. Tatum may have been on the path, but took a bad break.
Then there's Shai Gilgeous-Alexander. He has the shooting guard mass appeal that can flat take over a game. He's the chosen one. The façade of the NBA cathedral inviting fans to attend. Forget about ANT taking the reigns. It's SGA's league now. He's the leader of one of the best teams in NBA history. He's scored 30+ points in seven of his last eight games, and his team is only positioned to get better and better in the next several years. There's a valid recipe for a dynasty here and Shai is in the early prime of his career to lead OKC through it all. There's one little problem...
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander is a functioning foulcoholic.
I spent the five Western Conference Finals games this year just like you. Yelling at my TV disgusted at how SGA flops and contorts himself to get fouled seemingly more often than trying to score. But the play in the clip above made me realize something. I shouldn't be angry with SGA. I shouldn't be mad at him at all.
What you see in the clip above is clearly a cry for help.
SGA has a problem. A serious problem. And he's desperately trying to tell us. Like any notable serial killer - he isn't doing ridiculous things like go out of his way to jump into his cousin standing 90 degrees from him and the basket because he thinks he can get away with it. He's doing it hoping he'll get caught. And as we all know, the NBA will have none of it. Because the only thing harder than getting a functioning addict to admit he has a problem is to get his enabling friend who benefits from it to intervene.
For those who were already over this game you have guessed correctly that there was no offensive foul called on that drive by shoulder jab. But not only did the NBA enable Shai by not calling a foul, they enabled him in another way...
BY SENDING A MULIT-ANGLE TWEET SHOWING IT OFF!
What an epiphany this play was. My sports hatred for Shai has all but vanished now. I feel for him. I want him to get better. Addiction is a disease and Shai literally needs people in his court to help him through it. The man is trapped. Enslaved by the drips of dopamine summoned by the pitch of a whistle he didn't truly earn. The only way this addiction can be stopped is if the NBA cuts him off. The same entity that desperately needs a new front man to rise above the rest. However they can get it. What a tragedy. Shai needs to get caught. Only then can he begin to heal. Shai knows this. And he's damn well trying.
The good news for Shai is there have been some signs the NBA will curtail their capitulation. At least... a little. While a foul was initially called on Alexander-Walker for getting pushed by his cousin in this third clip of cousin on cousin crime, they would review it and reverse the call.
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Progress. That must have felt good to get caught. Finally a break from the self harm. If only for a moment. But such breaks often lead to heavy cravings. You'll do anything for a fix.
And when you find your enabling friends no longer cater to every whim - that sets off the ole fight or flight response. Like the panic from getting the wind knocked out of you. It's only been a moment since your last breath, but you wonder if you'll ever get another. It's a sobering reality when your accessories are keen to what's going on and you lose the ability to use them. You need to relapse and you need it quick. Time to come up with something crafty.
Finally. A fix. But tolerance can be cruel and you still have some catching up to do.
Before you know it, you're spiraling once again. You know everyone around you knows. But you don't care. The world could be watching you on television and that wouldn't stop you from focusing on that one thing that occupies your mind from the moment you wake up until the moment before you forget what happened next.
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I'm sure Shai has moments of clarity between foul fixes where we wonders if this was always who he was or if he just took a wrong turn in the road. Is he just having a bad playoffs series in which the above seven clips just so happen to each on their own be worse flops/frames than any single one you could ever find from 99 percent of anyone else that ever played in the league ever?
Who's to know?
But man. I sure hope he gets the help he needs. I hope the NBA realizes that while they're able to ride his coattails now - it's going to end in disaster if they keep supporting his duressed cause. It's a sad story, really. The evidence is clear. This man wants help. He's begging for it. He yearns to get caught so he can get clean. And you know what? That would be awesome. Not just for OKC fans who are sick of people calling their favorite player a free throw merchant and knowing the haters are right. But for neutral fans of basketball that want to see the greatness Shai has to offer.
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Two things can be true here. This dude is freaking unreal at basketball even when playing clean.
That's what makes him a functioning foulcoholic. If you want a dysfunctional variety though, don't you worry I know a guy.
Will Shai put up the same numbers when he can't go to the line for a half-hour a night? No - but he'll be doing it the right way. He'll be doing it clean. And it'll be incredible to watch. He's so damn good. And I think I speak for all casual fans who are lashing out against him because we want to see that instead. We want to see Shai get the help he needs. The help he wants. The help he's so desperately been screaming for.
Please stop enabling Shai, NBA. Look at what you've allowed to happen. This is what addiction looks like.