The Toronto Maple Leafs Are Exactly Who We Thought They Were
Icon Sportswire. Getty Images.They took care of business in the first round. Sure, things looked a little shaky when they had to play a game 6 after taking a 3-0 series lead against Ottawa. But they still found a way to close out the Senators and advance to the 2nd round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs.
Then they stormed out of the gates in the 2nd round, and immediately took a 2-0 series lead after winning both games at home. 6 wins in the playoffs was the most that Toronto has had since 2004. It was starting to feel like maybe this team is different. Maybe this is the year the Toronto Maple Leafs finally get over the hump. Maybe…
Well maybe this team is still just the biggest collection of losers the game of hockey has ever witnessed.
Down 6-0 in your home barn. You've got the Yacht Club leaving early, but sticking around just long enough to toss their jerseys onto the ice to show their displeasure with their $13M captain not scoring a single goal in this series yet. You've got Oldie breaking out the double cartwheel splits, but even that's not enough to pump a little juice into this chicken shit roster.
It would be one thing to lose 3 straight games after taking a 2-0 series lead. It's playoff hockey. Every game is going to be a grind. Even if you're battling every shift, you could end up catching an unlucky break and lose the game. But when you have Mitch Marner throwing no-look backhand pizzas up the middle of the ice and then getting beat to the back pipe like this?
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Well that's not the Toronto Maple Leafs losing 3 straight games in the playoffs. That them just handing the series over to Florida. All Toronto did last night was stand there and watch the Florida Panthers come on them. Wait, did I say that right?
The Panthers know they have a team that has just completely shut down on their hands now. They have completely taken over this series, and have the Leafs on their knees. If there's one team in the playoffs who thrives on being able to play with their food like this, it's the Cats.
I wouldn't be shocked if Florida decides to just throw game 6 at home so they can take one more trip up North to torment the fans in Toronto. Give them the slightest hint of hope, only to rip their hearts out of their chest and shove them directly up their own assholes in a game 7.
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Thank god Biz never ended up playing in Toronto. Once you put on that sweater, you lose all your heart. He wouldn't have been able to ragdoll all those Irish Travelers if he spent a season with the Leafs. Luckily he's got the heart of a desert dog beating in his chest.