Eagles Embarrass The Everliving Shit Out Of The Most Pathetic Cowboys Team In Years

Jordie11/11/2024 1:00 AM

Icon Sportswire. Getty Images.

I mean…part of me actually feels bad.

The Dallas Cowboys are somehow worse than previously advertised. We knew heading into today that they'd be bad. We knew that Dak Prescott was out. We knew they lost their last 3 games. We knew this season has completely gotten away from them after giving up damn near half a billion dollars to Dak and CeeDee Lamb in the offseason. It's one of the most disastrous seasons that any franchise could ever suffer.

Yet somehow today felt even worse. The Philadelphia Eagles went down to Jerry World and kicked the absolute shit out of that team. They didn't even have to play a great game to do so. Jalen Hurts had a pedestrian first half if we're being generous. The defense looked like they weren't particularly engaged early on. The Eagles played maybe B- football today and they were still able to have Kenny Pickett in there in the 4th quarter.

To be fair, the Eagles' B- game is still better than most teams' A game. They were still able to get close to 200 yards through the air, 2 passing touchdowns, and 2 rushing touchdowns out of Jalen Hurts. They had over 150 yards on the ground. AJ Brown went over 100 yards today. And the defense?

Good lord, the defense feasted today.

When even Bryce Huffing is forcing fumbles, that's when you know it's a proper shit pumping.

This defense more than likely ended Cooper Rush's career today. This defense made sure that Trey Lance's career never gets going. 4 fumble recoveries and an interception. If you have Philadelphia's defense in fantasy, congrats on your win this week.

And the best part about today's win is that you know Jerry Jones isn't going to take a lick of accountability for anything that transpired. Roster construction, god awful stadium construction where you literally have to fight the sun for an entire half. Nothing about today will be Jerry Jones' fault in his own eyes. He can fire Mike McCarthy. He can cut players. He can do whatever he wants, but as long as he's in charge then the Cowboys are going to continue to have the same results. And that's a beautiful thing. That franchise is an absolute joke, and it starts with the geriatric dipshit at the top. Hope he lives forever so that Dallas sucks forever.

Go Birds.