NFL Week 2 Power Rankings

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Alright, it’s time to piss some people off. And for the record, you’re supposed to be pissed off reading my rankings. There’s no system I based these rankings on—just my eyes. So without further ado, I present to you my Week Two power rankings.

10. Seattle Seahawks

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To be fair, if this team wasn’t 2-0, I’d say they’re the worst team in the league. Anyone who gets to open their season against Bo Nix and Jacoby Brissett should count their blessings. Although, I will say Jacoby and the Patriots don’t look that bad. But hey, everyone has to play their schedule, and they’ve taken full advantage of their easy start.

9. Arizona Cardinals

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Remember when everyone was calling Marvin Harrison Jr. a bust? Yeah, me too. That was hilarious. You know what else is funny? The picture above isn’t edited—Kyler Murray is actually that short, and he still tore the Rams' defense a new one. If they keep this up, we might even be talking about a Kyler Murray MVP run.

8. San Francisco 49ers

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You can’t win them all. Despite all the injuries they’ve picked up, I’m far from concerned about the 49ers. As the season goes on and they get healthier, they’ll still be the team to beat in the NFC.

7. Detroit Lions

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What the Lions did on Sunday was pathetic. There’s no excuse for a team like this to be humiliated at home, especially against a defense that was completely depleted. Jared Goff fell apart the entire game. They had multiple chances to win and blew every single one. I expect them to bounce back and assert their dominance, but for now, I’ve got them at 7.

6. Minnesota Vikings

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How 'bout them Minnesota Vikings? I mean, holy shit. I don’t think anyone expected this team to start the season 2-0, but here we are. And shoutout to Sam Darnold—the guy is slinging the rock right now. Hats off to him. Who knows, we might be looking at a potential Comeback Player of the Year.

5. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 

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The Bucs are a wagon. Baker and the boys are cooking. Baker didn’t light up the stat sheet, but every time his team needed him most, he answered the call. And you can’t talk about the Bucs without mentioning their defense. Even with their best player out, they still held the Lions to just 16 points at home. Very impressive, to say the least.

4. Houston Texans

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I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Houston is the problem! In my opinion, CJ Stroud is already a top-5 quarterback in this league. If it weren’t for that fumble on the one-yard line, the score would’ve properly reflected Houston’s dominance in this game. I know the Bears' offensive line is worse than the current situation at our borders, but my God, can this defense get after the quarterback.

3. New Orleans Saints

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This team is so good, Mintzy’s eyes might snap back into place. Why would he want to watch any game other than the Saints? They’re humiliating their opponents. Sure, the first game was against Carolina, but bullying Dallas the way they did in Dallas? Now that’s impressive.

2. Buffalo Bills

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Fuck you Josh Allen.

1. Kansas City Chiefs 

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It never ceases to amaze me how quickly NFL refs jump at the first opportunity to get on all fours and suck up to Mahomes and the Chiefs. Don’t get me wrong, they’re a great football team, but the refs absolutely gifted them that game.