The Saddest NFL Stats Of Week 2 - Sam Darnold Is Probably Better Than Your Team's QB, The Panthers Hell, And More
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I like to think of Week 2 as the point when the wheels on an NFL fandom's plane have just left the ground at the end of the runway.
You might think this sounds exciting at first. The trip has officially begun! No. It's more about the reality that the flight attendant has just informed you that instead of going to Paris, France, you are going to the Texas variety instead. And at this point - there is nothing you can do about it. Week 2 wipes away all the dreams you've had since the draft in April and all those amazing little camp updates you got sprinkled in your feed throughout the summer. ESPN has made their annual reminder of how rare it is for 0-2 teams to make the playoffs. And there's a good chance you are looking up in the standings to teams led by Sam Darnold and Derek Carr.
That's my reality at least. Is it yours? If so please enjoy as I roll the sad stat cart down the aisle with corners specifically designed to dislocate shoulder sockets and wheels ready to flatten any toes that dare to poke out.
These are your sad stats for Week 2 of the NFL
Sad Stat #1 - Field Goals are getting out of hand
This actually didn't include the FIVE fgs from Monday Night Football. So it's even more than it appears
As you can see the graph above shows how inflation has grown over time. No, not economic inflation. Something more serious and deleterious to our society and way of life. The inflation of field goals in our football games.
Last season there were 238 made field goals through the first two weeks. Second most all time only to 242 in 2022. Well after the five from Monday Night Football that puts us at 277 this season. This is quite simply too many field goals. Our forefathers didn't design this game to be taken over by field goal kickers. It's ridiculous. The game is called foo…
Shit.
Whatever, the point is teams shouldn't be winning when they don't score touchdowns. But that's been the reality so far. And just so we're clear - this has absolutely come at the expense of touchdowns which is at the lowest level in Weeks 1-2 since 2017.
Something has to change. The Falcons lost in Week 1 after preventing the Steelers from scoring a touchdown while scoring one of their own. But that has nothing on what happened in Week 2…
Sad Stat #2 - The Giants lost after scoring three touchdowns while holding their opponent to zero touchdowns
The 1989 Rams were the only other team to ever lose after scoring three touchdowns while not giving up any. But at least they made them win it in overtime (with a safety). What an absolute hell the state of the New York Football Giants are in. They finally showed a pulse on offense and some pride of defense only to get kicked to the curb seven times over. I hate to tell you guys but at the end of the season you'll probably look back at Malik Nabers' 10/127/1 and reminisce on how good he is only to remind yourself why they didn't win. I'd love to tell you things are going to get better but instead I'm just going to make sure you're not in an exit row so you don't try to dislodge the emergency hatch.
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Sad Stat #3 - The Carolina Panthers have the 13th worst point differential in NFL history after Week 2
-60. As bad as things are for Giants fans I think we can all agree Panthers fans are the Tiffany Gomez on the flight. They are left psychologically distraught to the point where the only way to cope at the horror they are seeing is to tell yourself it's not real.
But it's real. The quarterback you traded Caleb Williams, DJ Moore, Darnell Wright, a bunch of other players for and - oh yeah - still one more draft pick next year just got deservedly benched.
For Andy Dalton.
No - not prime Andy Dalton. End of the road 14-year journeyman Andy Dalton. The Carolina Panthers make Giants fans look like Saudi prince's. This is the most desolate state of being I think I've ever seen a team be in. And the worst part about it is that it's not some major metropolitan area so fans can't even really properly vent with their deserved share of national coverage.
But don't laugh too hard Dolphins fans. This -60 point differential is nothing compared to your 2019 rendition (-92). If someone talks some sense into getting Tua to retire, that might be the black hole you get sucked right back into.
Sad Stat #4 - Sam Darnold has a longer touchdown pass than these legends
Patrick Mahomes. Peyton Manning. Dan Marino. John Elway. Joe Montana. Troy Aikman. Aaron Rodgers.
97 yard touchdown pass to Justin Jefferson in Week 2. If only Carolina had a quarterback like him to turn things around. Sam Darnold is killing it in Kevin O'Connell's offense for a team that was supposed to be incredibly bad. But at 2-0, he also has everyone wondering if this is real. While a sad reality has hit for many others, it seems they've prepared themselves for a lame trip to Paris Texas and just heard from the flight attendant they are actually going to France. Is this some cruel joke that will leave them crashing hard? Will be interesting to see because this team sure as hell has a history of fraudulence.
But Sam Darnold. Could it be? Could it possibly be real?
Sad Stat #5 - Survivor Pools are looking like the beaches of Normandy
I'm in my first survivor pool this year and doing a weekly blog with my updated weekly plan. I somehow survived making it through the beach of death in Weeks 1 and 2 and look forward to writing this week's blog for the three people who are still in theirs.
The biggest favorites of both Week 1 and Week 2 lost. Cincinnati in Week 1. Baltimore in Week 2. I looked up the last time that happened. 1980. Rams lost as -9 favorites in Week 1 and the Patriots followed that up with a loss to the Falcons after being favored -8. And both teams got crushed too.
I might need to look into Baltimore a little closer soon. I think it was last season I tracked their total time losing in games from the first several weeks being absurdly low (like two minutes or something) while only being 3-3. They now find themselves at 0-2 after losing on last second plays. Crashed and burned right before getting to where they wanted to go. More like the Boeingmore Ravens, I guess.
Sad Stat #6 - Joe Burrow is 1-9 in the first two weeks of a season
The Bengals are the most confusing 0-2 team. Losing at home to what is considered one of the worst teams in the league heading into the season vs the Patriots, they went on the road to go toe to toe with the Chiefs. But what is it with them completely shitting the bed the first couple of weeks? Is it Joe Burrow? Or is it Zach Taylor? I'm starting to think it's Zach Taylor:
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1-11 in his head coaching career. I'll give it to Zach that the Bengals were just a bad team overall when he began - hence getting Burrow the following season. But this is what we might call a pattern. What is going on during camp/preseason? Is anyone doing anything?
Sad Stat #7 - Bears Twitter is in full 'Well Actually' mode
Come on guys. What are we doing here? This was the worst offensive line play I've seen for the Bears since Cutler got concussed in New York vs the Giants many moons ago. And that's saying something.
Honorable mention to east coast hosts. Three Eastern time teams welcomed west coast teams to come in their houses and take a W. Raiders in Baltimore, Chargers in Carolina, and Seahawks in New England. Also didn't get to the Monday Night game but I bet Atlanta isn't sure what to do with themselves being on the fun side of a collosal blown end of game.
