The Best Way To Play Madden Is With Spreadsheets And Fake Girlfriends

I've never been a big video game person. I was always awful at Call Of Duty and GTA and any shooting games I played with my friends. Friday nights we would play against each other online and the loser had to invite people over the next day. I always lost and it made me resentful towards all video games. Well, all video games except one. Madden. Specifically the franchise mode option where you create a player and then play out his career. It's given me some of my finest memories in life. 

I talked about this on Barstool Radio way back in the day but we talked about it again on The Bracket this week. I didn't do it this past season, but I would say I did it every other year on Madden from like 2014-2022. And the formula is always the same. I create a player in the franchise mode then play out his career while tracking the stats in an Excel spreadsheet, having pretend press conferences in my head, and making up off-the-field storylines for him whether it's romances, endorsement deals, or TV show cameos. 

Here's how the story works in my head and some highlights. 

-I make myself a 6 foot, 190 pound 24 year old out of Fordham. Keep my actual height but add about 30 pounds to make it realistic. And I'm 24 because the story goes that I didn't play my freshman or sophomore years. I was just on the staff as an intern but my junior I decided to walk on and made the team. I played 2.5 years at Fordham as a starter, going to the FCS quarterfinals once and the FCS semifinals once. 

-I always go undrafted to get the lowest player scores and make my path the hardest. And I put myself on a team that isn't THAT good, has a good city/fanbase, and a promising coach that I can build a Brady/Belichick type relationship with. And I usually like a team that's struggled and is in need of a championship so I can look like a savior to the city. In the past I've done Detroit, Cleveland, and the Jets for example. And yes I'm a Giants fan but I don't have an intense hatred for the Jets the way I do with the Mets. I can stomach them winning especially if I'm the QB. And I didn't want to do the Giants because I felt bad taking Daniel Jones' job. (This was last year. I wouldn't feel quite as bad now). 

-I always start Week 1 as a rookie due to an injury to the starting QB and outperforming any backups. I usually start the season slow but find myself as the season goes on. I am extremely clutch so I like to get a lot of 4th Q/OT game winning drives and comeback wins. I track all my stats from each game and tally up the hypothetical fantasy points I'd get. Between each game I also like to have pretend press conferences in my head and also speak to the media on Wednesdays. 

Here's an example of my season last year as QB of the Jets. 

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I also like to keep a "notes" section where I can write down anything memorable from the game. 

-I usually win the Super Bowl as a rookie QB and then that's where the fun starts in the offseason. I get huge endorsement deals. Some TV and movie cameos. Date hot celebrity after hot celebrity. I do a pizza review with Dave, and go on PMT and KFC Radio. Probably hit Hot Ones too. Present an award at the Oscars. Head on Impractical Jokers for an episode. Guest spot on Lil Dicky's show Dave. Minor role in a comedy movie with James Franco and Paul Rudd. Just really soak up the celebrity limelight. And obviously the haters will start to say "He parties too much. He wants to be a celebrity more than he wants to be a quarterback." Blah, blah, blah. But to the haters all I say is this. "Check the spreadsheets. I just keep winning."

-This usually lasts for like three or four seasons until I get bored of it or football season ends and I lose the itch to keep it going. I've always wanted to stick with one career for its entirety but have never got to that point. Maybe one day. 

Now granted this is probably more than the average person puts into Madden, but I highly recommend it. Makes it a lot more fun and gives you a lot to daydream about when you're in the shower. 

Watch the full Bracket episode here.