The Turkey Pretzel Is Here To Save Thanksgiving From Getting Completely Annihilated By Christmas
Year after year, the levels of which Christmas encroaches on Thanksgiving's territory becomes more egregious. It used to be that stores wouldn't open up until about 6am on Black Friday, and that would then start the Christmas season. At some point, the stores started opening at midnight on Black Friday, and you'd start to see some lines building up in front of stores immediately after Thanksgiving dinner. But once people stopped physically shopping on Black Friday and everything went online, all bets were off. Nowadays it seems like the moment Halloween is over, everything immediately starts to shift into Christmas mode.
It's a shame because there are so many time-honored traditions when it comes to Thanksgiving. Like getting completely plastered on Thanksgiving eve, showing up to your aunt's house the next day with a violent hangover, eating a shit ton of food, drinking a shit ton more booze, and watching a shit ton of football all day. In my opinion, it's the perfect holiday. But Christmas has waged a war and is winning decisively. We're only a couple years away from Thanksgiving being wiped off the calendar completely.
Thanksgiving needs a hero. Thanksgiving needs a secret weapon. And it may have just found one in the Turkey Pretzel.
Part of what has made Thanksgiving so susceptible to getting its ass kicked by Christmas is the fact that for so many families, Thanksgiving dinner is pretty trash. The turkey is dry, the mashed potatoes are bland, green bean casserole ain't their thing. I'd imagine that 100% of the people who want to skip right to Christmas from Halloween probably have absolute dog shit Thanksgiving dinners. So that's what needs to change. And that's where the turkey pretzel comes into play.
No longer do you have to worry about showing up and having to scarf down the driest turkey in your life once a year. If your family can't cook for shit, just order up a turkey pretzel and you'll have everyone fighting over 2nd's. You don't have to worry about cooking or anything. You can wake up hungover as fuck, inhale a bottle of wine before 2pm, toss this sucker in the middle of the table, and everyone is going to love it. Thanksgiving won't just live to fight another day, but it may be able to takedown Christmas out of November for good. Don't even get me started on if you wanted to add a little cranberry honey mustard dipping sauce to the mix here.
So do the right thing this Thanksgiving. If you know your family sucks ass at cooking but everybody is too afraid to admit it, just step up and order a turkey pretzel. The fate of a holiday depends on you.