The Saddest NFL Stats Of Week 6 You Didn't Know
If you're wondering where the time has gone when hearing we are officially 1/3rd through the 2023 NFL regular season then please leave now because you don't belong here in this blog. For the rest of us sad fans, this season will seemingly never end as all we've known through six weeks is pain with a side of hopeful self-delusion.
My Bears finally provided some hope after beating the Commanders last Thursday Night with Justin Fields passing for four touchdowns in consecutive games only to have the Bears pull the football from our dumb Charlie Brown feet again in a sad 1-4 "In the hunt qualifying" off. And now? The rest of the season is nothing more than homework.
Speaking of which - I've done my weekly assignment. Here they are. You sad NFL stats for Week 6.
Sad stat #1: The only way to fully appreciate the art of the Giants failing to score an offensive touchdown in over 200 minutes is to see where all 32 teams stand in this particular category
Lot of people to thank for making this graph happen. First and foremost, the refs for not calling a blatant pass interferance on that final play. My only explanation is that there's some old common law rule that states you can't call pass interference two plays in a row. But I'd also like to thank Tyrod Taylor for choosing to hand the ball off at the end of the first half. I guess there's more than one New York quarterback who refuses to take some shots.
By the way, a little inside pool on the graph above. I didn't manually make the Giants bar red. This is actually a computer generated gradient scale that goes from green to yellow to red based on the game minutes variable except you'll notice there is no yellow thanks to the absurd level end zone celibacy the Giants have chosen.
Poor Giants fans. You knew you were going get some heat yet again this week, but at least it's over and out of the way. (this is known in the literary community as a forshadowing)
Sad Stat #2: Desmond Ridder's 31-game home win streak ends at the hands of the streak-killing Commanders
I had the pleasure of watching every NFL Sunday game of Week 6 with the Pardon My Take crew in Chicago and came prepared by offering some voodoo stats to get the vibes going. For instance, I told PFT the Commanders were definitely beating the Falcons because they are the bona fide streak enders. Think about it. Not only did they end the Ravens 24-game preseason win streak, but also the Chicago Bears 14-game losing streak just last week. So of course they were going to be the team to end Ridder's cute little home win streak. Thanks for the shoutout for that one on Pardon My Take PFT!
Sad Stat #3: The New York Giants are 1-16 in their last full season's worth of prime time games
Yep. We're back Giants fans.
Didn't it seem sorta mean when the NBC broadcast crew put the "0-4 in prime time games" graphic up after the Giants' Sunday Night loss to the Bills? Well, it turns out they were being REALLY nice. The Giants are an abject failure in prime time. This is almost intentful.
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But wait a minute. Notice something else about this table? The only team the Giants were able to beat here were the streak enders themselves - the Washington Commanders. Up to their usual tricks and to no credit to the Giants, the Commanders took a dive to end the Giants' 12-game prime time losing streak. These guys just don't miss (except in Week 2, 2021 I guess).
I'll keep tabs on what team the Commanders face next who have any sort of a notable streak. Good, bad. Doesn't matter. The Commanders will take it down. And the best part is - even if they don't - that just means they chose to end their own streak of ending streaks. Thus, continuing their streak of ending streaks. I'm pretty sure that logic checks out.
Sad Stat #4: John Elway has almost fully erased the Broncos dominion over the Chiefs built by John Elway
Speaking of checked out. What you see in the graph above is the Broncos wins over .500 vs the Kansas City Chiefs over time. The rivalry started off the Chiefs way before sorta evening out. But once John Elway hit the Denver scene it turned into a beatdown by the wild horses which continued post-Elway with Peyton Manning.
Look at that staircase at the bottom. 16 evenly laid out steps to take control of the worst active head-to-head losing streak in the NFL. John Elway should be furious at the guy who ruined the franchise's dominance over KC. Someone give him a hot dog costume so he could go find the guy who did this.
Sad stat #5: The Patriots had a streak of 28 conescutive drives fail to even reach the red zone
When I ran the numbers I got 29, but hey, who's counting?
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Sad stat #6: NFL teams are 0-9 now since at least 1999 in converting the saddest play in the sad playbook - the onsides punt
Not done quite yet Patriots fans.
The onsides punt is the sad sasquatch of football plays. I wonder if any team actually practices this to prepare for the niche game situation of getting safetied towards the end of the game and desperately needing to retake possession. That is the ONLY situation this play occurs. I was able to look up the number of onside pitiful punts pooched going back to 1999 and found eight other such attempts. Dallas was the last team to do so in Week 8 of 2020 vs the Eagles in the dark Ben DiNucci era. Strangely the next three attempts all occured in back-to-back weeks in 2014. Green Bay in Week 15, Minnesota in Week 16, and Tampa Bay in Week 17.
Converting the onside punt might very well have never happened for all I know. This has to be the unicorn of football plays. I think you automatically win a wild card spot if you can convert it. Make it happen Roger! That's the only way some of our teams have a chance at this point.
Sad stat: Nathan Peterman was the most successful Chicago Bears Preseason QB in Week 6
Yeah, I'll explain. Obviously Week 6 was another dumpster fire for the Bears on all levels so I thought I'd think of something a little outside the box but still firmly secured on the island of misfit stats.
As far as I know, Nathan Peterman is working construction in rural Idaho which qualifies him as having the best Week 6 of any Bears QB who played this past preseason. But the three active Bears preseason QBs (Fields, Bagent, Walker) went 0/4 in the TD/INT department which doesn't credit Bagent's fumble for a defensive scoop and score.
That's it for Week 6. While I'm fully checked out of my fandom I'll be back next week to turn in my homework.
- Jeffro
Got a sad stat tip? DM me @Statholesports