Last Night, I Broke The Most Dangerous Game Show
Listen. This show is good. I don't lead you guys astray. I promise you, give this show a shot. I genuinely think it's one of the best pieces of content that we've put out in the last year. Dave has already indicated that this will likely be the last time we ever dedicate this much production to a show:
Tough tweet to read given that the #1 reason I wanted to do this show was because last year, Dave said he would come after anyone who turned down one of these game shows. This was a "team player" play from me, a selfless show of solidarity and commitment to the badge. Did you... did you think I did it for $25,000? $25K?! Grow up, Peter Pan-fried frozen shrimp. Trying to motivate me to spend a week in the wilderness eating processed flour products and inorganic lettuces with a measly $25,000 prize is like trying to lure Big Ev onto a treadmill with assorted sashimi.
Obviously I don't need $25,000. Except in a tragic turn of events, by the time the show is dropping episodes, Dave has bought the company back and is running a much tighter ship and now anyone seen in ultra high-definition drone footage is somehow culpable for the gigantic production tab. So much so that those of us who did the show are almost afraid to promote it now because we don't want to draw attention to the splashy, airplane-jumping "Mission Impossible" fiasco we demanded.
That's just how things go around here. One minute, you think you're on your way to an attaboy from the boss. The next minute, you're a primadonna whose exorbitant production needs have forced the company to downsize by roughly 30%. If only we'd filmed the show on our phones, the most powerful weapons in the universe.
Fuck it. Sunk-cost fallacy at play here. We made the show, it's awesome, it looks awesome, and we might as well get you guys to enjoy it because it truly is excellent. I poured my goddamn heart and soul into this thing, as did all my fellow contestants, Rone, the editors, the production team, etc. If this is to be the swan song of Barstool's Most Dangerous Game Show, it deserves a proper sendoff.
Last night's episode featured a rather disgusting challenge where we had to collect maggots, mealworms, and crickets around our face before depositing them in a jar. First person to fill their jar wins. In the 30 seconds before the challenge began, I quietly asked a rules official if we could put our bugs in someone else's jar. He said "there is nothing in the rules that says you can't do that."
Ding ding ding. Work smarter, not harder. I knew Rudy was a very solid ally and I had no time to explain it all to him. I knew that if I asked anyone to join me on this idea and place their bugs in my jar, they'd see that as self-serving and suspicious. Thus, I quietly told Rudy I was going to put my bugs in his jar to ensure he'd win. It's like when Maximus convinces the other gladiators to coalesce "AS ONE!" against the Barbarian Horde:
"Whatever comes out of these spouts, we've got a better chance of winning if we work together."
I dare you to start that scene and not finish it. Good luck.
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I was very proud of myself for discovering a loophole in the game that ensured victory for my guy. Rudy was reliable and true to his word and saved me at the elimination ceremony. We eliminated Pat, arguably the most dangerous player in the game. All in all, I'd say this was my favorite episode so far. Just felt like a total victory for the squad.
Catch up on all the episodes, for the game is now afoot. Only two episodes remain.