Michael Rubin's White Party Looked Insane, But These Are The Celebs Likely To Be Cut Next Year
Michael Rubin, billionaire host of the biggest, most exclusive party of the year, released the highlight reel of the soirée. It's an incredible video because it showcases that the most famous people in the world are, in fact, capable of a "normal" house party. Typically, we only see them gathered in this concentrated density at premieres, or at the Met Gala, the Oscars, or some formal bullshit. Whereas here, one has the sense that they're actually having fun? Perhaps? Like is Kylian Mbappe chopping up lines in the laundry room with Robert Kraft? Maybe EmRata is spontaneously leaving with Tom fucking Brady for a pipe sesh on a boat nearby? A boy can dream.
We learned a bit about the process behind the guest list from Rubin's appearance on PMT:
Rubin only sends 400 invites. 350 attendees. Every year there are 75 cuts based on party performance. That's a 21% cut rate. Gotta make way for next year's rising stars and we can't have Charlie D'Amelio back because she puked in LaLa Anthony's purse and tried to blame it on OBJ. Who knows exactly why these people get cut. But let's toss out a few preliminary removals for next year.
Definitely Cut
James Corden
James Corden, hope you enjoyed your last Michael Rubin 4th of July bash. Surprised you even wanted to go to a white party. We thought you and your wife would be at the yolk party up the street. Something tells me Corden carpooled home in silence.
Violet Affleck
Violet Affleck, you're toast. Wearing a mask to an outdoor party on the beach in the Hamptons… in case the sand kicks up? I'm not a scientist but everyone knows if you have over 100m followers on Instagram, you're immune to COVID, and that's most of this party. Next year she'll be throwing pink paint on people to protest the unsafe working conditions of balloon animal twisters. Apparently one in seven loses an eye to an exploding sword handle at some point in their tragic, imaginative career.
Serious question: does Ben even get to bring his 17-year-old daughter to this party if he's not back with JLo? Gotta believe you need their combined star power to get an underage daughter into a drinking party of this visibility. Maybe she's there to shut Jen's door.
Definitely Coming Back
Jack Harlow
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His song is the feature song for Rubin's highlight reel post about the party. He's the second person featured in the video after Jay Z. Harlow's invite for 2024 is already in the mail.
Every woman in this Tiktok
But especially Kendall Jenner. Goodness gracious. She might genuinely be the most beautiful woman on the planet. In a couple years, I suspect Kim might share that secret age-reversing potion with her, at which point she'll start getting younger too. But they still have a few more years before the party starts past their bedtime.