VIDEO: Baby Gronk's Dad Forcing His Kid To Say Answers On A Podcast Will Make You Hate The Internet
We've got a new development in the case of Baby Gronk v. Dad Who Parades His Kid Around For Clout. Today, a look behind the curtain of how all their silly sound bites are made. Hint: it's dad pulling the strings.
Growing up, my dad and I had our share of challenges. I was not an easy kid. Wherever there was trouble, I found it. One time, while playing capture the flag in gym class, I told this girl Eileen that the only way she could get me to exit the safety area was if she pulled me out by my penis. She quickly snitched to Mrs. Greeme, who told our principal, Mrs. Tetrault, who summoned me to her office for a thorough dressing down. Dad had to leave work to pick me up. The ride home was quiet and my cheeks stung with shame. At home, I had to split half a cord of wood as penance, and I couldn't play SOCOM: US Navy SEALs for two weeks. Times were tough.
But in the end, the joke's on them. Kathy Tetrault ultimately died from something painful and I'm pretty sure Eileen has at least three children with four separate dishwashers at the Muddy Rudder off Route 1. As for Mrs. Greeme? I just learned that she's now the gym teacher at the East Palestine school in Ohio, which is where that gigantic chemical train explosion happened. Here's hoping that shiny tapwater finally gave her the thunderous quads she always wanted.
Still, I would take 100 of those silent car rides with my dad over one podcast recording where he jams canned answers down my gullet like I'm some Toulouse goose being blasted with corn meal for foie gras. Or in this case, that even rarer of delicacies: clout.
I blogged my discomfort over internet sensation Baby Gronk and his puppeteering father last week. Big Will Compton found a laundry room to deliver a solemn and powerful sermon on the matter. Old man Thornton smelled clicks in the water from six oceans distant and used his one good fin to type away his take. Point is, we've been on top of the Baby Gronk beat for a bit now. And today, I was sent a rather smoking gun.
Baby Gronk (and his ever-present pops) appeared on the Bring the Juice pod. It's pretty uncomfortable to watch, with the hosts not really loving the fact they're being asked to REPEAT questions so the dad can feed the kid some dumb line. You also see at :20 that the kid gets shy and doesn't want to talk about taking Livvy Dunn to prom. But his dad, once again, steps in and tells him "you gotta say" some bullshit. It's a look behind the curtain of this contrived clout machine the dad is running, and it certainly feels like the kid isn't exactly enjoying the ride.
Even so, this was pretty funny:
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"Barstool Sports stays praying on his downfall."
Not quite. I stay praying that this little boy may enjoy a normal childhood. Let's trade that Planet Fitness membership for a goddamn bicycle so he can race his pals to the comic book store. Poor kid's spine is going to look like a parking garage in San Francisco following a 9.3 quake thanks to his dad loading extra plates on him in the rack. Let the boy live, dad!
Thanks to Bring the Juice Pod for the vid. Check them out here.