Eric André Just Posted A Naked Instagram With Emily Ratajkowski And Ruined Valentine's Day For Everyone

And just like that, dudes around America tossed their pathetic, obligatory roses into the trash. What's the point? Valentine's Day is a day for winners and losers, and most of us are losers. Even if you thought you were head-over-heels in some fresh relationship where you're banging the eyebrows off each other, huffing her neck hairs and nibbling toes as a "joke", this Eric André post just reminded you of your inferiority. 

After all, what's he got that you don't? This isn't an easy "well, if I had his looks, I'd be with EmRat too" because... you might have his looks. And his humor is OUT there. The Eric André show is like a schizophrenic fever dream that you either love or hate (gotta say, I love it). He's famous, but not insanely famous. 

And yet there he is—posing like Rose in Titanic while EMILY RATAJKOWSKI stands bottomless just feet away in a well-appointed apartment. Look at the art! Take in the gigantic candle in the fireplace! That looks like a goddamn Le Labo Concrete if I've ever seen one. Hell, if it weren't for that candle, the scent of sex in this room would fog our computer and phone screens. Good Christ. 

Hat tip to you, Ser Eric. Now excuse me as I chug an entire box of shitty Lindt truffles in sadness.