Incels And Braincels And Virgins, Oh My

I go down a lot of pretty intellectual internet rabbit holes. Last week it was Keith Hernandez and his cat (still is if we’re being honest here). The week before that I couldn’t stop watching videos of a #DelCo boy catching marshmallows in his mouth from long distances. And now? Following Alek Minassian’s story after his deadly attack in Toronto, I’ve gone down the rabbit hole of a group with zero fucks given, and quite frankly, zero fucks received. Ever.

Cue the Incels, which every news site has now taught me means ‘involuntary celibates’ or ‘giant asshats’.

You get the idea. But having never heard of ‘em before this week, I started clickin’ away and holy bizarre-resentful-celibacy, Batman. What an interesting group. Please, look deep into the spiral and follow me into their strange, scary land.

Apparently it started as a Reddit subgroup where guys who couldn’t seem to find meaningful relationships and sex gathered to commiserate and support each other. Lovely! Nice they could help each other to… oh no… they found some scapegoats for their personal issues. Scapegoats that love taking photos of their lattes. Scapegoats that like to tell you they’re fine when they’re like, totally not. Scapegoats with those boobies and vaginas things. (Women.)

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Exhibit A: All Women Are Sluts

I’ve seen some Incels who are in the belief that there are some femoids left in the world who aren’t cawk hunting skanks. This is clearly a cope that needs to be shattered and burned. Why? Because every bitch out there, regardless of their race, religion, virginity status, is a slut; it’s in their very nature to be such. Don’t even think for one second that just because a femoid was born in a certain country and raised religiously, that she would not engage in seeking hedonistic activities. Once these so-called “religious femoids” get the opportunity that they desperately seek and are exposed to the outside world and it’s activities, they tend to be the biggest sluts known to man. Basically because they find slutdom to be a new thriving activity and want to experience the pleasures that comes with it.

And here’s a quick INCEL WORD KEY – as described by me, a non-expert and femoid of slutdom who’s just spitballin’ here:

Cope: belief. Hot cope, bro. Terrible cope, you sound like a total Chad.
Chad: guy who fucks (this cracked me up almost as much as Incel meaning ‘involuntary celibate’.)
Stacy: she a ho.
Femoid: like hemorrhoids but in the front?
Cawk: Boston for cock.
Cuck: British for cock?
Roastie: Excellent sandwich, terrible vagina reference unless I’m using to make fun of my own roastie.
Reverse Rape: ::confused emoji::

Scroll long enough and comments like this by guys with equally sad usernames appear:

There are no cum dumpsters out there who doesn’t succumb into degeneracy and slutdom. They are all slaves to their instincts. Every last one of them.

The group came to light when reporters started digging into Minassian’s online presence. His final Facebook post before he drove his van onto a crowded sidewalk:

“The Incel Rebellion has already begun! We will overthrow all the Chads and Stacys! All hail the Supreme Gentleman Elliot Rodger!”

Quick recap, in 2014 Elliot Rodger was the dumpster fire who murdered six people in Isla Vista, CA. Via BBC news:

Before he turned the gun on himself, the 22-year-old posted a “retribution” video to YouTube and emailed a lengthy autobiographical document to almost two dozen people he knew.

He planned his murderous rampage as a “Day of Retribution” and said he had “no choice but to exact revenge on the society” that had “denied” him sex and love.

Rodger specified that he planned to target the Alpha Phi sorority whose members he had deemed the “hottest” at his college, “the kind of girls I’ve always desired but was never able to have”.

He then killed himself in a final act of cowardice, but he’s lived on in the Incel online community where he’s regarded as a hero. And now the site that helped incubate them has banned them.

But that means very little. They’re still going strong in a group called Braincels, which seems to still be lacking them. ::sick burn::

What exactly is r/Braincels?

Live look at me scrolling through this Incel reincarnation:

Listen, I get it. Many, many, maaaaaany, many many, many, many, many, like waaaay many, many, verrry many moons ago, like waaaaay back when, eons ago in a galaxy near Philadelphia, like mannnny, mannnnnnny, mannnnnnnny, before I started going gray long time ago, like when N’Sync was still crushin’ it and Airheads cost a nickel years ago, I was a virgin, too.

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The city of Clam was in a dry county, partially for legal, religious and greasy-face-acne reasons. Not a particularly exciting time, but 100% nothing to be ashamed about either. And I didn’t create a bizarre internet culture around it or blame the opposite sex.

Here’s the part where I go full Tomi-Lahren-style-rant on Incels even though they’ll likely never see this:

Incel morons, us ladies don’t owe you jack-shit. Not even if you take us to Red Lobster and sneak out a bunch of Cheddar Bay Biscuits for us afterwards. If you can’t get laid, maybe try not being deeply entrenched in your keyboard satellite that orbits around planet I-Hate-Women. Maybe there’s a conversation to be had about our culture here, but the one you’re having is dangerous and to deny that is to spit on the graves of this sick ideology’s innocent victims.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to D.C. for the next few days, and maybe I’ll go full femoid with my roastie and get some strange from a Chad, ’cause I can do whatever the fuck I want. Not livin’ in fear of jabronis like you with your bad cope havin’ asses.