Prince William Is Taking Every Opportunity To Catch Up On Sleep, Takes A Quick Snooze At Church

So as you know Prince William and Kate Middleton recently had their third child. A baby boy. I don’t have kids and I probably never will and this is precisely why. I’m wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too selfish. Look at Prince William at church. Look at him! Dude is nodding off in the middle of mass. He looks like a dog falling asleep with his head up. He’s EXHAUSTED. He’s getting no sleep so he’s catching Zs at any opportunity. Fuck that. Sleep is far too sacred for me to be losing it at the hands of some mini human I barely know. No thanks. Are my parents gonna be pissed that they’re not getting more grand kids? Maybe. But I’m too selfish to care about my parents feelings.

I’m also convinced that people with kids say things like, “My kids are the best thing that ever happened to me” just to trick other people into having kids. It’s all a cruel prank. Misery loves company and it would appear there’s no worse misery than having children. I’m not even saying I don’t want kids so I can party and go out and drink all the time. It’s actually the opposite. I wanna be able to sit in silence and not have to worry about anyone but myself. So yeah, you won’t catch me napping in church any time soon. Prayers up to Prince William and anyone else who has kids.