The 2018 New York Yankees Are Part of Their Own Final Destination Movie

I honestly don’t even know where to begin with last night. Let’s start with Manny Machado owning our lives early in the game.

Classic CC Sabathia making him feel welcome at his future home. What a great teammate right? Well, Sabathia was later pulled after just four innings and just 58 pitches. Some people, including myself, thought this was Boone’s doing since Machado was due up again in the 5th. No, instead CC was yanked from the game because of hip soreness. After the game he said he thought he could make his next start. Welp, when we woke up this morning CC had been placed on the 10 day DL with a right hip strain. Now there was no expectation the 37 year old was going to have an injury free season, but one week into the year is way earlier than anyone expected. Now Luis Cessa re-enters our lives…

The Yankees bullpen took over and pitched the way we had hoped they would entering the year. Tommy Kahnle was asked to throw two innings, exceeding last year’s season high pitch count by 20 (48 pitches), but he was effective nonetheless. Boone needs to monitor the way he uses Kahnle because I do not need his arm blown out by fucking June. Dellin Betances was called on next in the 7th and looked once like vintage Betances once again. That makes it two consecutive appearances where he hasn’t resembled the worst pitcher in Major League Baseball. With the way the pen has performed leading up to this game lord knows we need Betances to pitch like the dominant pitcher we know him to be. Robertson came in to follow and made quick work of the O’s lineup in the 8th.

While the Yankees pen was doing their job, the bats were silent. After watching the first inning where the Yankees first three men reached base I thought Kevin Gausman was not long for this game considering he stinks out loud. Although it took him 96 pitches, he limited this lineup to only two runs over five innings. I thought we were going to put up an easy seven spot on him before it was all said and done, but this lineup is ice cold at the moment plain and simple.

The Yanks threatened in the 6th with back to back Stanton and Gregorius singles to start the inning, but went on to strand both runners with no runs to show for it. Ronny Torreyes had to pinch hit for Drury at the end of the inning which was a very bad sign. In turns out he was suffering from migraines and was later placed on the DL with severe migraines. FANTASTIC. This is all a sick joke at this point.

Finally some good new came when Didi stepped to the plate in the 8th. He decided to take matters into his own hands.

Didi has been the best hitter on this team to start the year and it’s not even close. If my life is on the line I want Didi Gregorius up at the plate. Through eight games Didi has three homers and 10 RBIs, hitting .393 with an OPS of 1.478. He doesn’t look like your cleanup hitter in a lineup filled with names like Stanton, Sanchez, and Judge but he plays the part perfectly.

Once the game was tied that late I just assumed someone else would break through and walk this baby off. That was not the case…

The real craziness in this game began in the 9th when Tyler Wade had to come out of the game. He couldn’t even field grounders in between the bottom of the 7th and top of the 8th and of course the first ball  hit was right at him to start the 8th. He fielded it cleanly but he was obviously being bothered by something after making the throw as he bent on imediately. It turns out ever since the team left Toronto he had been very sick. Sweeny Murti talked to him before the game and Wade told him to keep his distance so he couldn’t throw up on him. In the 9th he had to come out as Tyler Austin took over at first while Walker slid to second.

Aroldis Chapman entered the game and had Trey Mancini behind on an 0-2 count with two outs and two on. Aaron Boone and the trainer ran out to the mound to check on him. OF COURSE. At this moment I still don’t know exactly what was wrong, but Chapman convinced Boone to keep him in and he got the strikeout to end the inning.

The bottom of the 11th was the focal point of controversy in this game. Following two walks to Didi and Neil Walker, a Torreyes one out fielder’s choice moved Gregorius to third with two men down. With Tyler Austin at the plate and behind in the count 0-2, O’s reliever Mychal Givens uncorked a wild slider that got passed catcher Caleb Joseph. Didi sprinted home and well..this happened.

The ball bounced off the backstop perfectly right to Joseph who flipped in to the charging Givens, applying the tag at home.

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Givens gets to home and blocks Didi from reaching it before the ball gets there but it was a legal play. Is it a stupid rule that you can basically sit on home plate and prevent the runner from touching it as a pitcher? Well, yes but that’s the rule so there’s no arguing really. I guess in hindsight Didi should have slid feet first and impaled Givens in the head, killing him and jarring the ball loose from his glove. Well try that next time I presume.

That was the last time this offense would threaten a run in the game and in the 13th Caleb Joseph thought he won the game for the O’s. Aaron Judge said no sir.

It pays off being a 6′ 7″ monster in right field huh? Also, I understand Michael Kay had been calling this marathon game for 13 innings but jeez man show some emotion like you just saw a gave-saving home run robbery. What a catch by Judge, but it only delayed the inevitable. The Yankees bats would go silent in the bottom of the 13th, sending Jonathan Holder out for his second inning of work in the 14th. Holder loaded the bases with nobody out, no thanks to a Ronny Torreyes error. After retiring Adam Jones on a borderline strike three call, Pedro Alvarez (he’s still in the league?) stepped to the plate and crushed a hanging slider over the middle of the plate for a go ahead grand slam. An absolute moon shot and a dagger to our hearts.

So what was the overall damage? A ruined Friday night, the use of 24/25 players on the roster, Brandon Drury DL stint, CC Sabathia DL stint, Tyler Wade has the flu, Gary Sanchez leg cramp, and Aroldis Chapman who knows? JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. It’s almost like this Yankees team is part of their own Final Destination movie. Now today Sonny Gray gets the nod on the bump and he absolutely needs to go deep in this game. We can’t have another 85 pitch effort through 4 innings. He’s got to give us at least six and probably seven. That seems like a tough ask for him but we need it. It’s hard to imagine a tougher start to the season than the one that’s going on with the Yankees right now.

Today Domingo German was called up as Holder was sent down (a move that should’ve taken place to start the season). Luis Cessa was brought up to be the Yankees 5th starter I assume in place of Sabathia, while Jace Peterson comes up to add a bat in place of Drury. Here’s the Yankees lineup today. It’s not the prettiest in the world if we’re being honest with each other.

We’re really rounding into shape right before a trip to Fenway. Everything’s just…fine.

P.S. If you catch the opposing team’s game winning grand slam home run ball and ask for an autograph of it I’m not sure you should be allowed back at the stadium

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P.P.S. I forgot to mention the incredibly annoying lady sitting below the YES booth last night. I think for a solid six straight innings she tried to get her own “Lets Go Yankees” chant going only for no one on planet Earth joining her. It got so bad even Michael Kay addressed it. I tried to get my friend at the game to get rid of her. How do you sit next to that woman and allow that to continue? I’d say I feel bad for anyone at the game in the vicinity of her, but at some point you need to take matters into your own hands and end the madness somehow.