Watch This Sad Grown Man Get Put In The Doghouse By His Girlfriend Because He Can't Stop Playing Fortnite

The key word in that headline: CAN’T. It’s not that I won’t stop playing Fortnite, but it’s just unrealistic at this point. The true faithful Fortnite understand. It’s an addiction blue bolt action rifle sniping every single cell in the body from the Anarchy Acres in my head to the Lucky Landings in my toes. Fortnite overrules sleeping, eating, sex, breathing. Anything. So when the ol’ lady swings by the Smitty household when we’re dick deep in a Fortnite binge, she gets Deep Impacted. Sorry, sweetie. It’s just the way it is. Am I regretting my actions? Absolutely not. Somebody has to hop on the Battle Bus to fight the imaginary tyranny and oppression I made up in my head to make it sound like I’m doing something constructive with my time. But I will accept the consequences. As will Frankie Borelli and Borelli’s. They can deal with that ricochet shot. All in all, the doghouse isn’t so bad. Especially when you can get survivor tips at will from various coworkers who have established residency in said doggie domicile. At least there’s WiFi for more Fortnite. Just hook it up to my veins at this point. And you’re damn right we’re Last one. Guaranteed victory.

The entire exchanges are here:

Watch Teach Smitty Fortnite pt 5 from barstoolsports on www.twitch.tv

Women. Amiright? My tweenage homie here gets it.

PS – Devlin went out for a burrito last night and came back to the office at 9:30 wanting to stream for a game or two…4 hours and 20 min later…#LastOne

Watch Stoolie Squads on Fortnite GIVE ME THE DUBS LORRRRD from barstoolsports on www.twitch.tv