Bill Walton LOVES Bridges

Bill Walton should narrate all games simultaneously from a locked room with unlimited amounts of peyote and marijuana cigarettes at his disposal. Like whatever game you’re watching you can either hit the SAP button, the CC button, or the Bill Walton button and your broadcast will be narrated by whatever it is that Bill Walton is currently ranting and raving about at that given moment for the duration of your game. Maybe even Planet Earth reruns too, though that might open a portal in your television screen to dimensions our civilization isn’t nearly equipped to handle just yet. We need to take baby steps here before we open Pandora’s Box again.

But until we get that technology, Bill will just continue calling regular college basketball. If Miles Bridges can get him onto a glorious rant like this, let’s hope he gets a Tacko Fall game at some point this season, though that might get dangerous since B.J. Taylor is also on that UCF squad and college basketball is a family program. Amir Coffey from Minnesota could trigger a strong story about what happens when you brew mushrooms with coffee instead of tea accidentally and what kind of trepidations come with that mix up.

Long live Bill Walton.