Ford Wants To Know About Every Single Dimple On Your Ass For Your Own Good

A robot – nicknamed “Robutt” – has been created to move like a human bottom and perfectly simulate how drivers and passengers get in and out of their car seats.

I have no idea who that is in the above picture, but whomever it is looks like you could spread them on a cracker. Lookin like a tall glass of water.

Call me old-fashioned but I don’t want Ford knowing the ins and outs of my butt. I just don’t. If that means that I need to sit slightly more uncomfortable for the next ten years in my Ford Fiesta, that’s just a pill I’ll have to swallow. I’ll still have the premium engineering features throughout the rest of the car, not to mention the upgrades in the stereo. A premium sound at an economy price. Cant beat that. Plus, every car coming with a backup camera is great. That being said, you think I wanna take my ass out there and sit on some technology that maps my buttock’s every nook and cranny? No way. No chance I want Ford to have the sensitive information that would let them know EXACTLY where my butthole is at all times. I dont even have the location feature turned on for my phone. I’m that private.

The butthole is a sensitive area and I’m not just talkin about all the nerve endings. Plentiful endings, indeed. Lots of people don’t want their butts mapped by Ford. Whatever happened to beads for comfort? What was wrong with that? Why dont we use the materials of nature to increase our comfort like we used to?

There was nothing quite like hoppin in mom’s sedan and taking a little road trip sitting on some wooden beads. What comfort. What luxury. What elegance. For generations, wood has been a sign of wealth. Are we to just toss that tradition out of the automatic window because Ford wants to 3d print our assholes on their new car seats? I hope not. Pretty classless move by Ford.