Carston Wentz Is Simply Not Of This Earth

See that. That was divine intervention. Or, more likely, Wentz it the divine presence itself. Everyone watching Carson become swarmed by the damned collectively either put their head down with a “Shit!” or looked back up to the sky with a “Fuck!”…and then a miracle occurred. Wentz literally rose from the ashes like the Phoenix and/or resurrected a la Christ and ran for the first. That’s not real life. That’s a true, blue Madden glitch.

The best part? That wasn’t even Wentz’s only highlight from last evening. The man is a walking, talking, slinging reel of excitement.

That last one was arguably his best highlight of the night. That TD simply drips sex. No other way to explain it. Wentz easily separated himself as the clear cut MVP of the league last night (even though Brady will be tugging on his balls hard the rest of the way). Carson’s got a NFL leading 17 TD’s (and only 4 INTs) for the team with the best record in the game. Imagine where the Eagles would be without his play? I’d say .500 at BEST. Probably worse. And it’s one thing Wentz is very efficient, it’s HOW he excels. The plays he makes every single drive are WOW worthy.

It’s not that I can’t believe we have been graced with Carson Wentz. That’s more of the Browns being cursed than us being blessed. It’s more I can’t fathom how he is this good, this fast. The kid is truly either the next coming of Christ or has made deals with the devil. Plural. And you know what? I couldn’t give a fuck which side of morality he resides. I just want a winner, and good gravy do we have one in Carson Wentz.

Wentz, as you can see, showed flashes last year. But he never really made it consistent. It was more sporadic playmaking than anything.

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Now…Sweet Ginger Jesus. There’s no telling what the ceiling is for this kid. And it’s not the roof. Not to mention he’s a merciful deity, to boot. Wake up, kick ass, repeat.

The Wagon is already filled, but good luck trying to swarm it like it’s a lifeboat from the Titanic. Might as well do it with a t-shirt.