World's Best Son Refuses To Murder Father For Making Him Tile Garage In Pennies
Source - A father and son team are tiling their garage floor – using 33,000 2p coins. Dominic Lowe, 55, and his 25-year-old son, Jon, are midway through fixing a stunning copper mosaic floor covering 5 metres square.
Eventually the floor space will be covered with about 33,700 coins – worth £674 – and so far about 17,000 have been meticulously stuck down with tubes of glue.
It is a two-man job, as he and Jon spend about ten hours a week bending over their handiwork and laying down the triangles of coins. Jon’s twin brother James has helped collect coins, and younger sister Katie, 21, has spent a few hours helping to get the floor ready.
“It’s been a great project to be involved with, and I can’t wait for it to be finished because my back’s starting to hurt,” added Jon. And he wants to hold a celebratory party when it’s all finished: “It will have the best dance floor in the village.”
These two are going to end up killing each other. Nothing tests a relationship like a home improvement project and this one has disaster written all over it. Thirty-four-thousand chances to fuck up and just as many reasons to piss each other off. I can see it now, Jon glues a penny wrong side up and dad blows a gasket. He told him twenty times, “four-wide on tails and three on Lincoln” but the damage is done. They’ve got to rip up an entire row because Jonny was fatigued. Something dad can’t understand. They rip up the row and start again but Jon makes the same mistake. Next thing you know dad has Jonny in a choke hold and mom has tears running down her face. All because dad thought it would be fun to cover the floor in pennies.
Personally I’ve never made a penny floor but I used to rake the leaves with my brother and it was a fight every single time. Manual labor shortens your fuse. I’d accuse him of not hustling, he’d yell at me for not packing the bags tight enough. Then I’d throw a Frisbee at his face because I knew I could out run him. We’d have to rake in the rain too, “so the leaves didn’t blow away.” Which in hindsight was my dad’s way of fucking with us but that doesn’t matter. Tensions were high regardless. We escaped the yard work years relatively unscathed but I’m not convinced that would’ve been the case had we installed a penny floor. I’d probably be typing this blog from behind Plexiglass with a tear drop tattoo on my face. Anyways, best of luck to these two blokes. Can’t wait to see the finished product/arrest report.