Bet Of The Millennium: Take All Your Net Worth And Put It On Terrell Owens Winning Dancing With The Stars

+1000?!!?!?!??! On that list of sad sorry sacks?!?!?!? That’s incredible, incredulous, and incomprehensible. Take all the cash in my bank account and by the end of this we’ll have a solid $11000 portfolio to work with. Easy money. I’m not saying you have to watch the show.
Shit, I’d bet on the likes of a paint drying competition or women’s basketball if I had an edge. T.O. can straight up BOOGIE. You’ve seen it in his TD dances and overall fluidness on and off the field. Not to mention he’s cut from the same exact cloth as other former professional NFL gems who excelled on the show.

Just a real quick scouting report shows that Hines Ward, Emmitt Smith, Donald Driver, Rashaad Jennings all took down the DWTS crown in the past. Jerry Rice came in 2nd. You mean to tell me Terrell Owens is gonna lose to the squidtastic Malcom In The Middle and the old bag from Shark Tank? Sure, you got some other names on there. I’m sure all the ladies can dance well and the likes of Nick Lachey has standard boy band play. Derek Fisher could most likely cut a rug even though he’ll have his head on a swivel for Matt Barnes looking to beat the living piss out of him. Hell, that Jordan Fisher kid is actually listed as a professional dancer, which is essentially playing with a rigged deck. But still, Terrell Owens is one athletic, competitive fuck. If he’s doesn’t stir the pot in the locker room with his teammate, which is a HUGE assumption, look for him to be in the running to take this bitch. Or at least get fed up and force a meltdown for the ages. And as long as it’s not directly sabotaging another Eagles season, I’m all for not watching this show and seeing the 2-minute recaps of the blowups.

PS – T.O. may be the best on the show since Carlton dripped pure sex on the dance floor. And yes, I am aware his name is Alfonso Riberio. I don’t care and neither should he. Carlton for life. Onto the drippage.