Five Nurses Have Been Suspended From A Denver Hospital For Admiring A Dead Dude's Dick

(Source) — The incidents occurred at Denver Health Medical Center between March 31 and April 3, 2017 and were reported May 8, the Denver Channel reported. According to hospital spokesman Josh Rasmussen, the nurses opened a body bag and made admiring comments about the man’s genitals. The comments were heard by a sixth nurse, who believed they were inappropriate and reported it to hospital staff. A police report confirmed the account: “Multiple staff members viewed the victim while he was incapacitated, including after he was deceased.” Four of the nurses have since returned to work at the hospital, and the fifth is “no longer is employed by the hospital, but wasn’t terminated,” the Denver Channel reported. Police said there wasn’t enough evidence that a crime had taken place to file charges. The incident will, however, go on the nurses’ permanent records at the hospital.

I’ve never been more upset about a picture not being attached to an article. I don’t want to see this dead guy’s dick, I need to see this dead guy’s dick. “Hey John, that’s a weird thing to say,” you’re thinking. Sure, maybe it is, maybe an unwavering desire to check out the penis of a man who’s passed on is a tad odd. Sue me. I’ve seen countless penises in my life. “Whoa, two weird things in one paragraph, John.” Yeah, that’s probably right too, but when you factor in porn and sports (I used to play, not to brag) you realize that you’ve probably seen more dicks in your life than vaginas.

Guess what? Not a single one of those dicks I’ve seen would look remarkable dead and that’s why this is the greatest compliment I’ve ever seen. These nurses are basically calling this the GOAT of genitals. Nurses, they’ve probably seen more penises than me, yet they still had to gather around this dick like the Stand by Me kids. Seinfeld said something like “you never want to be having a surgery in the operating theater because you never want something wrong with you that makes other doctors think ‘Oh I’ve got to see this'” but penises are on the flip side of this matter, where any time a medical must unzip a bodybag, as if it’s some unseemly porno, in order to see your manhood then you lived a charmed life.

Just think about your own dick. You’ve seen that thing at its best and at its worst. You’ve seen it out of the pool and post sex, you’ve seen it cold and hot, you’ve had mornings where it was bad and you’ve had good dick days. It’s such a versatile appendage, ever-changing, like an ecosystem in your pants, and yet I can say with absolute certainty that I have a gross dead dick. The moment I expire I beg you to not look at my penis. Please, don’t.

This man doesn’t suffer from the same ailments as I , and we’re disciplining these nurses for acknowledging that? That’s silly. Let them look at dick, I say.

PS – I’m on like 2 hours of sleep. I have no clue if this blog makes a lick of sense. I’m laughing but that could be delirium or just the fact that I typed “penis” a bunch of times.