Some Zombie-Looking Motherfucker Was Walking On The Tracks Of The Subway This Morning

I imagine you must see some crazy ass shit if you are the driver of a subway train. Rat orgies, roach orgies, mole people orgies. Any kind of disgusting orgy you can imagine is on the table when you drive a train through the bowels of New York City. However, you probablyyyyyy don’t see some dude walking like a zombie on the track all that often. Which is why I am giving this subway driver or conductor or whatever the hell they are called the LVP for the day. Yes it’s early in the day, but failing to stop the zombie apocalypse before it could happen is as big of a #Jimbo as it gets.

The subway driver had a chance to wipe out Patient Zero before he could infect others, but he passed. Can you imagine if Jon Snow had a chance to kill The Night King before he created his entire undead army but didn’t do it because he thought it was the right thing to do? He would be lower in Thrones fans’ eyes than Theon. Sure the people on that train would have been late to work and it likely would have caused a ton of delays in the line of dominos that is the MTA. But that’s a small sacrifice to be made in order to save mankind (living variety). I don’t care if that guy was a regular person that fell through a manhole. Once you make it to the point where you are walking on subway tracks, you cease to exist as a human. Human Card revoked.

I always knew the rise of the zombies would begin in the subway. I just hoped I wouldn’t be alive when it actually happened. But the beginning of the end is here. All because some faceless subway driver and his bleeding heart (that will likely be devoured by a zombie sooner rather than later) didn’t have the guts to run over an obvious zombie. So a note to any other subway drivers that see this guy on the tracks today. If it looks like a zombie and walks like a zombie, it’s a fucking zombie. I honestly don’t understand how this wasn’t already addressed in subway drivers school.