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Researcher Says Lesbian Sex Comes from the Desire to Make Men Happy. It's Science.

International Business TimesFor all the lesbians and bisexual women out there in deep despair about how they came to be attracted to people of the same gender, your burning questions have been answered by a “researcher” out of Cyprus who’s offered up, essentially, the frat party explanation for why women make out with other women — to catch the attention of men, of course. Men’s desire for women to be sexual with one another is the driving force behind lesbian attraction, Menelaos Apostolou of the University of Nicosia argued in his study.

“Why does same-sex attraction happen in women, why did it evolve, and does it serve some purpose? A lot of men indicate a desire to have a partner who also experiences same-sex attraction,” Apostolou told IBTimes UK.

The male penchant for women who have sex with women drove the evolution of homosexuality in women, Apostolou argues. Men would chose female partners who experienced same-sex attraction, so those women would be more likely to have children with the men, leading to the evolutionary success of the trait, he says.

To say the least, the theory has been called a bit of a stretch.

“The paper totally ignores a lot of other possible hypotheses and makes claims that are really not supported by the evidence they provide,” said Diana Fleischman, a psychologist at the University of Portsmouth.

As you’d imagine, noted scholar Menelaos Apostolou is getting a lot of blowback for his scientific method on this one. And not just from Diana Downer Fleischman here. In fact, the Advocate ripped both of them a new one for suggesting women like other women for any reason other than they like other women.

Frankly, I don’t know what to believe. I can’t claim to have Professor Apostolou’s analytic mind. I don’t know much about his research methods or whether this was peer-reviewed. For all I know, he could be right or he could’ve just done this so he could use University of Nicosia grant money to watch porn and hire escorts for threeways.

So this is one of those moments when I invoke the Jerry Rule of Uncertainty. Which states that, when I’m not sure what to believe, I choose whichever option I want to believe. And in this case, it’s Apostolou’s study. I like to think lesbians evolved to make men happy. Not because I’m a homophobe or a misogynist, but because I’m a raging narcissist. Frankly I like to think that everything exists just to make me happy. I like to believe that the first amphibian to crawl out of the primordial sea possessed a bi-curious gene just so that, billions of years into the future, there’d be some infinitesimal chance my own very heterosexual Irish Rose would watch Thor with me and maybe invite Natalie Portman into our bedroom. Up until now, that was nothing but the self-absorbed rantings of a lunatic who lives in his own, Jerrycentric universe. But finally now it’s backed up by the impeccable research and unimpeachable science of the good Dr. Menelaos. Thanks to him. And congratulations on the Nobel Prize that no doubt awaits him.

@jerrythornton1