The Gawd Ryan Seacrest Is Kelly Ripa's New Host

Ryan Seacrest. The new Dick Clarke. The new Casey Kasem. And now the new Regis Philbin. Three of the most important hosts in broadcast history rolled into one midget with a coiffe. The guy is the fucking GOAT. You might not like him. Maybe you dont like the celebrity news. Maybe you’re sick of his face. I get it. But in the words of Justin Bieber you’re lookin at the truth the money never lieeeeee. Ryan Seacrest is currently worth $350 MILLION. His annual salary, right now, is 65 mil. Thats before taking a job thats paying him at least 20-25 million a year. Dude is gonna be pulling in a hundred million annually soon enough. Bananas. He’ll make a billion one day. And I mean like he’ll make one billion dollars during a 24 hour span.

As for Kelly Ripa. Cucked like you read about. Who can my new cohost be? Oh how about the most powerful man in media today? He surely we’ll be a great second fiddle! He’ll definitely let me continue to shine and be the star of this show! You idiot. This shit will be called Live With Seacrest in like 18 months. Just ask that idiot Brian Dunkleman how that goes. He was the original cohost on American Idol. Two roads diverged…Ryan Seacrest went on to become a billion dollar man, Brian Dunkleman has 6,000 followers on twitter.

PS – Kelly Ripa such a minx. She still does it for me in a MAJOR way.