Counterpoint From A True Beer League Hero: Slap Shots In Men's League Are 100% Acceptable
So earlier today, “Riggs” wrote a blog titled “Is It EVER Acceptable To Take Slap Shots In Men’s League Hockey?“. He went through this whole song and dance about how it’s dangerous and how you don’t want to break your stick and yada yada yada. Long story short, he said no. Well, as Barstool Sports’ resident Beer League Hero, I’m here to say that “Riggs” has never been more wrong in his life.
Now listen. I get that he played puck at the D1 level for Harvard. That’s cute and everything but it means NOTHING when it comes to beer league hockey. Guys like Riggs look down at us beer leaguers. He played in the fucking Bean Pot for Christ’s sake. No ice slot at 10:30pm on a Wednesday night is going to mean more to him that that. Men’s league hockey is just a hobby to guys like Riggs. But to the rest of us? Us common folk who pay league fees and have been with the same team for years and winning a rink championship with a little bit of money on the line? Clap away, mother fuckers. You do whatever you can to put that puck in the back of the net. Whether it’s a slap shot from the point, a garbage goal in front of the net, hacking the goalie’s knees as he’s walking in to the rink so the other team has to forfeit. You do whatever you can to get a win because the only thing worse than playing a 10:30 game is losing a 10:30 game. We are the true heroes of men’s league and I’ll be damned if I have some former D1 guy besmirch our game and belittle our play like that.
Anyway, here’s where I stand on the issue–as long as you’re not an asshole, you have slap shot privileges. Everybody who plays beer league hockey starts with the unalienable right to rip a clapper. It’s the moment you’re a fucking moron and send one 5-feet over the crossbar and nearly taking out somebody’s top row of teeth that you lose that right to take slappers. But if you’re able to control the puck and keep it about waist high? Who am I to tell you that you can let a bomb fly every once in a while? Yes, it is 100% acceptable to take slap shots in men’s league as long as you’re not bombing away from outside the blueline just trying to be a dickhead. Yes, it is 100% acceptable to take slap shots in men’s league as long as you’re not hacking away with a 9-iron and everybody needs to up their dental insurance when you’re out on the ice. Because like I said above, we are beer league heroes. And this is all we have. This isn’t a joke. This isn’t just some hobby. But only a true beer league hero would understand that. Only a true beer league hero would understand that sometimes you have to eat a slap shot to the dick but the pain of taking that shot is far less than the pain of driving home at 1 in the morning with a loss.
So does taking clappers in men’s league make me an asshole? To some people, maybe. But there are 3 types of people in this world. There are assholes, there are dicks, and there are pussies. And I’d much rather be an asshole than a pussy.