IDK If This Noise Cancelling Device For Your Mouth Is Real, But I Hope It Is

I’ll be totally honest, I love this idea. That’s not to say I’m ever gonna buy one of these and put it into practice, but I love the idea of it. It’s like a tech version of a girlfriend: great idea in your head but it will probably just end up making you look like a crazy idiot.

And I’m not even talking about using this to run around and strap it to faces of strangers talking on the phone in public like they’re Hannibal Lecter (what’s worse: rating human or being a person who talks on the phone in public? It’s a toss-up, folks). If it didn’t look like one of Bane’s sex toys then I think this would be a great idea. You know why?

Because as much shit as talking on the phone gets, I don’t HATE it. The only reasons I don’t do it are 1) someone who talks on the phone in public and assaults my ear drums with their personal bullshit is Satan and 2) when I’m home there’s more entertaining shit to do then talk to my boring friends. So basically it’s politeness that prevents me from having phone conversations, I’m too polite to be the asshole at a restaurant or at the office or when a plane just landed who’s talking to people.

This solves that problem. If I could talk and not infect the air waves I’d talk on the phone all day. As I write this I’m running in and out of the office to talk to my dad because he’s in NYC and we’re trying to meet up, but if I had a HushMe? Bang, I’m at my desk the whole time and it’s way less stressful.

Genius invention, only problem is the people who talk in public aren’t self-aware enough/not-assholish enough to use it and the people like me are too conceited to. Other than that, knocked this out of the park.

PS – Maybe don’t market it as a device for “confidential calls.” That’s idiotic. People aren’t taking confidential calls on the goddamn subway even if they’ve got a muzzle.