This Is It. This Is The One. The Worst Day Of The Year

Its cold, dark and dreary. Wet and rainy. You havent worked in like 10 days. Maybe 2 weeks. Some people have been completely off. Most have, at the very least, been working from home or mailing it in. Nobody has been in the office. Bosses have been on vacation and out of your hair. And any time any sort of major project or difficult work has come up, you’ve had the ultimate fall back of “I’ll do it after New Year’s.”

Well now its time to pay the piper. Everyone is back, and realizing they need to make up for the last 2 weeks of completely blowing off all your responsibility. You roll your ass out of bed, most likely about 10-15 pounds heavier, start your shitty commute in the cold weather, and you know that you’re walking into an absolute buzzsaw at your cube. Hundreds of unanswered emails. Clients rushing to meet deadlines because you pushed things off from Christmas. Overachieving assholes with renewed motivation for the new year. Just the fucking WORST. Your fat pale ass is about to get blown to smithereens in your cube.

And really the worst part is that you have nothing to look forward to. Maybe if you’re lucky you get MLK off. But for the vast majority of the country, we’re looking at goddam MEMORIAL DAY as our next day off. 209 days until your next little vacation from your job. Absolutely abysmal. A handful of people out there will enjoy their football teams in the postseason and thats about it. Other than that, nothing but failed diets, bundling up for your commute where you’re freezing cold outside but sweating your dick off on the subway inside, shoveling snow, and actually doing work at your job.

But do you know what I’ve realized now as a married man with a kid? It doesnt matter. None of these days matter anymore. For the last 7 years I’ve been blogging about The Worst Days Of The Year. Mostly with the joke going over everyone’s heads as they yell at me “KFC you say that its the worst day of the year like 10 different times of the year!” But when you’re a single man or dont have a family yet, there really are certain days that stand out as more miserable than others. When you start a family though, that all changes. Almost every day is like the Tuesday after New Years. Every day is Groundhog Day and a struggle. As a matter of fact, I was looking forward to work today. After being cooped up with the wife and kid for 2 weeks, I welcomed work with open arms. Send that little monster back to daycare, get out of the apartment, no more errands and chores. I never understood my father when he said he actually liked going to work better than being at home but I’m starting to get it. I strutted to work today with a smile on my face and a pep in my step. Anything to escape that monotony and responsibility at home. Take me to my cube where I can pop in some headphones, and do nothing in silence. The Cube – once my mortal enemy – has become my best friend. Once the away game, the foreign territory that you dreaded, has now become Home Sweet Home. You know what the only thing worse than hating Cube Life is? LIKING Cube Life. Thats as depressing as it gets, folks. Thats truly rock bottom. When you start to like work as opposed to the alternative, your life is truly over.

So if you’re miserable at work right now, consider yourself lucky. Because that means your life outside of work is still enjoyable enough that being at work upsets you. You’ll soon realize that it actually gets worse. I know it doesnt seem possible. I know you cant imagine an existence where rotting in your cube isnt the worst part of your life. I know you can NEVER imagine a life where you’re looking forward to getting to the office. But its coming. Winter is Coming.

Everybody have a good one!