"Can I Come Down Your Chimney Tonight?" Texts: A Barstool Sports Investigation, Christmas Edition
Previous Barstool Experiments:
“Can I Come Stuff Your Turkey?”
Hoe, Hoe, Hoe! Its Christmas Day! Which means you open up all your presents and you pretend to be happy with a new sweater or a new winter hat but the reality is – if we all had our way and could get exactly what we wanted – Santa would bring us all sex. Open up a gift card with an IOU for some Christmas Pussy. Tear open that one special present and – BAM – its some dick in a box. Thats what we all want, so why dont we all ask for that? Thats where yesterday’s Barstool Christmas Experiment came from. “Can I come down your chimney tonight?” A bit more subtle than previous experiments. Lets see the results.
Some girls did not take so kindly to the timely Christmas/Sex humor:
Some girls REALLY werent in the Christmas spirit:
Some girls didn’t get the joke at all:
Either this chick’s car is snowed in her driveway, or she is using some sort of sex metaphor that’s way too intense for me. And this girl either didnt get the joke:
Or she is really, truly horrified at the thought of this dude coming inside her. You are NOT gonna trap this girl, bud.
Some girls didn’t particularly love the line, but it worked anyway:
Such a Rutgers answer. Last point of contact was December 4th. 20 days later he tosses the Hail Mary and gets the “I’m not a slut…fine you can fuck me.” More from our Rutgers Viceroy:
And so I know what you’re thinking now – “KFC! This Experiment sucked! It didnt work at all!” NOT SO FAST MY FRIENDS. Because some girls were most definitely in the holiday spirit:
Some girls are apparently into Elf Play:
This girl wanted to keep the Christ in Christmas. She wanted everyone to remember this day is all about Jesus:
But she was still DTF.
And some girls are just really slutty and love the dick:
This kinky little minx knows that Santa brings toys:
Some girls needed clarification on what “Chimney” meant exactly
Particularly this girl, who was blacked out at Applebees on cheap tequila the night prior:
Sone girls were down, but wanted to make sure there were no little elves running around afterwards:
Girls tried to play this game too. Just a little hint for you in these Barstool Experiments. if you try to play with us, we’re going to assume any sexual innuendo means anal or a violent blow job:
Hey, you guys wanna see the most 2016 interaction of all time?
Thats how 2016 hook ups work. Find strangers on the internet. Kinda, sorta know who they are but not really. Then bang them.
This worked for white folks and black folks alike. Original Black Stoolie approved:
And it worked for people outside the Barstool Bubble too:
Apparently, girls thought they were all VERY clever referring to their vagina as cookies:
Shout out to this girl who went with the “stocking” reference instead:
This guy has been waiting around since Thanksgiving to try the next Barstool Experiment to get laid:
Keep your head up, pal. Only like 6 weeks until Valentine’s Day. A couple months until St. Patrick’s Day. We’ll get em soon enough. Maybe you should try texting these girls:
I love this girls answer about coming inside her “just for fun”
Not for serious, you guys. You can raw dog me just for fun.
One of the risks you take sexting on holidays is that people are often with their families:
Also one of the risks with sending sexts about chimneys means that you might get hit with a motherfucking Marry Poppins reference!
Fuckin Bert! She was just tryna get that Dick Van Dyke!
Really I got no idea what was happening with these two but she’s sexy and the term “pound” was being thrown around, so Merry Christmas!
Also have no idea whats going on here with all the “single mom” talk but, it doesnt seem like things are going well for this girl:
Things also not going well in Carrabis’ life:
I like to pretend this one was actually the Virgin Mary, mother of Jesus texting:
No way Mary did anal, right? Unless she was one of those chicks who wanted to stay a “virgin” so she only did butt sex. Entirely possible.
Christmas pussy even has the Jews converting!
And the award for weirdest sexting during a Barstool Experiment goes to…
Dusters and deep cleans! Nothing gets the pussy wet and the dick hard quite like that!
Another fantastic social experiment in the books. I hope you all got laid, and we’ll see you again for the next holiday. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!