Melania And Barron Trump Will Not Be Moving Into The White House

Regardless of your thoughts on Donald Trump as our nation’s leader, you have to admit this is a smooth move. Melania, I’m moving 300 miles away for the next four years. No, you can’t come. And neither can my kid, so good luck with that. 

If I were her I’d be throwing the biggest fit of my life. The president elect (whoa, weird) would be ducking a rapid fire of every hanging item on the wall of Trump Tower. Oh, you want to make me the first FLOTUS that doesn’t live in the White House? *throws light fixture at Trump’s head* You want to leave me with your kid and have us VISIT OCCASIONALLY??? *Violently smashes every mirror with fist, grabs a shard and threatens suicide* You’re moving IVANKA in?? *Sets fire to giant gold framed painted mural of Trump that I can’t confirm exists but he definitely has hanging in his house*

On the other hand, maybe Melania doesn’t care. Maybe she’s totally cool with sitting back and basically living the ultimate MILF life, with no husband to have to cater to. It’s like playing a war veteran in a hollywood movie – all of the Oscars, none of the PTSD.

Maybe Melania is the one making the smooth move here.