Secret Service Looking To Hire A Bunch Of Nerd Ass Marks

Complicating the agency’s effort to boost its ranks, officials said, are otherwise promising candidates whose abuse of the amphetamine Adderall, or other prescription drugs, or their lack of candor about using them result in an abrupt removal from the process.

The problematic prescription drug histories, officials said, are emerging with troubling frequency in the midst of the hiring blitz aimed at rejuvenating an agency shadowed by a series of security breaches and recurring agent misconduct. Just two years ago, those controversies helped topple the service’s first woman director, Julia Pierson.

The Secret Service folks are looking for a bunch of nerds to be agents because they are drastically understaffed because of their dumb ass policies. The Secret Service now have Adderall as a disqualifier for service. If Adderall was as bad as the Secret Service makes it out to be, there would be nearly no blogs written on this site and Richard Sherman wouldn’t be one of the best cornerbacks of the last five years, allegedly.

Not only that, but the Secret Service doesn’t want to hire people who have illegally torrented a file on the internet. Having the no torrenting rule AND you must be a college graduate who graduated without the use of stimulants reeeallly limits the pool of applicants. Books are expensive. You better believe I was looking for free books on every site I could.

ANNNDDD they are making sure you never trolled people on social media. Impossible. Might as well shut the Secret Service down if you are gonna be that blow hard about agents’ “morality.”

Going through school without smoking weed, taking Adderall, or torrenting a textbook is nearly impossible. To be honest, those aren’t the type of people who I want protecting our nation’s leaders in times of need. You need Secret Service agents with a little bit of moxie, some gusto, some intestinal fortitude, not some do-good squids.