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Florida Man Pours A Cup Full of Semen On Someone At Panera Bread

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TALLAHASSEE, Fla. (WPEC) – Investigators say a man dumped a cup of what is believed to be semen on a woman at a Panera Bread in Tallahassee.

Tallahassee Police had little trouble making the arrest, because the suspect left his cellphone behind at the scene of the crime. The phone also had incriminating evidence on video.

Authorities said the man left, but returned a few minutes later with a plastic cup in his hand. The woman said the man went into the restroom for a few minutes and walked over to her table and said, “Here you go.”

At that moment, police said the man started pouring a substance on the woman’s head. She moved so that the liquid landed on her neck, shoulder and arm.

The man, according to the woman, told her he was sorry for spilling his drink on her and walked out of Panera Bread.

The woman realized the substance was not soda. She screamed. She and a manager tried following Bruce. They saw him get into a black Honda Accord and drive off.

Restaurant employees noticed the man had left his cellphone. Video on the phone showed Bruce masturbating into a cup in the bathroom.

Police arrested Bruce three days later.

Let me start by saying that I’m anti-dumping semen on someone’s head. I have never been pro-semen dumping on someone’s head. I’m EXTREMELY cautious about semen-borne pathogens and that’s for good reason. AIDs. Ever heard of it?

That being said, there is absolutely no way that this gentleman filled up an entire cup of semen to dump on someone’s head in a matter of minutes. Doesn’t work that way. That’s too much semen. A shot glass? Maybe. But a cup? No damn way. That’s a week’s long process at least. You can’t just ask for a cup at Panera and fill that bad boy to the brim. That doesnt excuse the act. Pouring semen on someone’s head who doesnt want that to happen is actually bad. People forget that.

If, and this is a HUGE if, this man can fill an entire cup with semen, he needs to be on America’s Got Talent or something instead of wasting away at the local Panera Bread pouring his semen on employees and then going to jail three days later. I’ve seen lesser men have lucrative careers doing that type of thing. Five-inch ropers and whathaveyou.

Side note: this has gotta have an element of premeditation right? You dont just haphazardly show up at Panera, ask for a cup, masterbate in the bathroom while recording yourself into said cup, and then decide on a whim to dump that semen on passersby. You go to Panera with the malicious and criminal intent of dumping semen on someone. Gotta throw the book at him.