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I Want Absolutely Nothing To Do With The Red Sox Bringing Jonathan Papelbon Back To Boston

Red Sox Closer Jonathan Papelbon Walks Off The Mound After Blowing A Save

There’s a reason why every fan base throws a party once they’re finally rid of this asshole.

Fuck Jonathan Papelbon. Never in my life have I encountered a more self-centered, egotistical douchebag, and some Red Sox fans actually want this guy back? Why? Earlier today, Papelbon asked the Washington Nationals for his release, because they were going to designate him for assignment anyway. That process takes too long, so he wanted to catch on with a new team sooner by getting released. Papelbon lost his job as the Nationals closer once the team traded for Mark Melancon from the Pittsburgh Pirates, and he’s only appeared in two games since July 28.

That’s why I’m not sure why he’d be interested in coming back to Boston in the first place, because he’s not going to have an opportunity to close here. One, because Craig Kimbrel is the closer, and they gave up a lot to get him. And two, because Papelbon is having the worst season of his career, and he doesn’t deserve the ball with the game on the line in any inning, never mind the ninth inning.

His 4.37 ERA is the highest ERA he’s ever had in his career, his highest since he finished the 2010 season with a 3.90 ERA. His 1.457 WHIP is the highest WHIP he’s ever had in his career as a relief pitcher. His 8.0 strikeouts per 9 innings is tied with his 2015 season for the lowest mark of his career. His 2.21 strikeouts to walks ratio is the worst of his career as a reliever, and his 9.5 hits per nine innings allowed is the highest mark of his entire career, as well. Also, his average fastball velocity this season is 91.73, the lowest of his career. Other than that, he’s great.

I’ve seen the “he can’t be worse than what we already have” argument from Red Sox fans a whole lot since the Papelbon news came out, but he actually can be worse than what you already have. In fact, he’d actually be worse than every reliever that you already have. If Papelbon were to join this Red Sox bullpen, he’d have the highest ERA, the highest WHIP, the highest hits allowed per nine innings, and the third worst strikeouts to walks ratio. So, yes. He can be worse, and he is. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg as to why I don’t want him here.

He’s a clubhouse poison. Sure, he has a familiarity with guys who are already here, like David Ortiz and Dustin Pedroia, but I’m not bringing the guy who choked out Bryce Harper into a clubhouse with Mookie Betts, Xander Bogaerts, Jackie Bradley Jr., and Andrew Benintendi. Point is, this guy literally brings nothing to the table. He’s not Jonny Gomes. He’s not a guy who knows his role, and can help out even in a reduced role, or as a veteran who can be a positive influence in the clubhouse. He’s the exact opposite of that. He wants it all to be about him, and this Red Sox team should want nothing to do with bringing in a player like that, regardless of how much they suck this year from a baseball standpoint. Hard pass.