James Harrison Launching His Kids Into Orbit/The Pool Could Be Considered Child Abuse

Sweet Jesus. Ease off a cycle before playing with the kids, James. That first toss was borderline one of those fake GIFS where someone gets edited to actually taking off into orbit. Harrison is 6’2 and the little guy is launched clearly out of frame. Of course I’m kidding when I say this could be child abuse. And as a former kid myself I can attest that having a pure Thoroughbred throw me to the moon before hitting the pool would be the greatest thing ever. Just gotta keep it civilized with a toss. That freak of nature would get more air under that launch if he used his Howitzer and pumped his victims into space.

I don’t know exactly what notorious madman James Harrison is doing and, quite frankly, I don’t want to know. If this monstrosity can repeatedly pelvic thrust 528 pounds then I’m staying clear of him and his superhero dick of at least 100 miles. That Dark Knight can, and will end lives.