Dude Blocks His Crazy Ex Everywhere Imaginable, She Still Finds A Way To Message Him On DirecTV

I’ve heard that DirecTV sucks because weather knocks out the satellite and whatever, but I’ve never seen a stronger argument against it than this. Your fucking ex-girlfriend can come out of the TV in the middle of Seinfeld re-runs like she’s that bitch from The Ring. NO THANK YOU. I will be sticking with Comcast, thank you very much. I’ll deal with the worst customer service under the sun just as long as my ex can’t pop out of my TV like a Psycho in the Box.

But this is exactly the kind of shit I was talking about yesterday. I’m so goddamn jealous of those who dated before technology. I know grass is always greener and they probably wish they had Tinder and easy 2 AM booty calls, but it ain’t all gravy. You can NEVER get someone out of your life these days. Ever. You have the urge to drunk text them sometimes, you see their Instagram sometimes, they stalk your Twitter sometimes, maybe they’ll even do some insane shit and message you through DirecTV. It’s impossible to get away. I’m so fucking envious of the people who just got to say, “This is it. We’re done. It’s over,” like how a Muslim man under Sharia Law simply has to say “I divorce you” three times and his wife is just gone (you know, like how bankruptcy works), and then NEVER HEAR FROM THEM AGAIN. Effectively murder them. Technology is a great thing but the fact that it’s made us all one beer too many from a conversation with an ex and a drunken promise that you’ll try again as long as they come over at 2 AM is a dangerous, dangerous tool.