Don't Have Enough Money For Cheetos? Then Stash Them In Your Vagina And Run Outta The Store

TSG- A Florida woman allegedly punched a convenience store employee in the eye after the worker demanded the return of a bag of Cheetos Puffs that the suspect had stashed “under her sundress in her groin area,” according to cops. Melissa Mower, 49, last night sought to steal the Cheetos and a six-pack of Bud Light Lime (total value: $13.11) from a store in Indian Rocks Beach. But when confronted by an employee as she walked out of the store, Mower returned the beer, “but did not return the Cheetos,” an arrest affidavit reports. Mower, seen at right, then crossed the street into a wooded area. For some reason, worker Holly Harris followed Mower in pursuit of the stolen Cheetos. When Harris demanded that Mower “return the Cheetos Puffs that were stolen,” Mower responded by punching Harris in the left eye, a blow that caused “swelling and redness” in the “victim’s eye socket and eye.”

Here you go. Here’s a lesson. It’s 4/20 (4/20 brooooooooo). If you go out to grab some Cheetos later and don’t have the money to pay for them? Simply stash them in your vagina and run outta the store. If the worker inexplicably chases you? Punch him in the fucking eye. The craziest part of this story isn’t the lady stashing Cheeto puffs in her vagina area. It’s the worker thinking the Cheetos were important enough that he chased her down into the woods. You know who cares about a single bag of stolen Cheeto puffs? Nobody. Not a single person. Not even the people at the Cheeto factory care. So there is absolutely zero reason for that gas station worker to play hero. On top of that, anything that is shoved into a woman’s vagina is now owned by that woman. Whether it be a dildo, a vibrator, a man’s dick or a bag of Cheeto puffs. Ownership of something shifts when it enters a vagina. That’s not a law but it should be. You wanna get Cheetos dust on your fingers from a bag that previously entered a stranger’s vagina? Didn’t think so. Let her have it.

PS- By the way, crunchy Cheetos are a million times better than Cheeto puffs. If you think otherwise you’re dead wrong.