Physicists Create "Black Hole" Urinal That Stops Piss From Splashing Back Onto Your Pants

Gizmodo- Good news for khaki-clad men plagued by speckled staining of their trousers from urine splash back: physicists may have found the optimal splash-suppressing design for a urinal insert, thereby creating a “urine black hole.” Urine gets in, but it can’t get back out. “Since the mid-19th century, both enlisted and fashion-conscious owners of khaki trousers have been plagued by undesired speckle patterns resulting from splash back while urinating.” So begins the abstract for recent work in urine splash dynamics by Tadd Truscott, director of Utah State University’s Splash Lab, and his graduate student, Randy Hurd. Hurd presented their results earlier this week at a meeting of the American Physical Society’s Division of Fluid Dynamics in Boston. Back in 2013, the Splash Lab (then at Brigham Young University) brought us handy tips on how men could avoid staining their khaki pants with urine splash back while relieving themselves in restrooms. Sitting on the toilet is the best technique, since there’s less distance for the pee to cover on its journey to the bowl. (An informal survey of male acquaintances revealed a surprising number who have used this “hands-free” method, particularly if they were in the middle of a good book or didn’t want to stop playing a handheld video game.) If you opt for the classic standing technique, the scientists advised standing as close to the urinal as possible, and trying to direct the stream at a downward angle toward the back of the urinal. That will produce less splash back.

I’m not saying we don’t need this but do we really need this? I’m almost sure we don’t need physicists working on this stuff.  They should be trying to figure out the mysteries of the universe and why the hell we’re spinning around on this blue rock in the middle of nowhere.  Not figuring out how to prevent men from having awkward office interactions after they piss all over themselves. There’s a surefire way to prevent splash back when pissing in a urinal that we don’t need physicists for: piss directly into the water.  When standing at a urinal you have three choices (assuming this is a urnal with water an not a urinal cake*): 1) piss on the porcelain part so as to avoid making that horrible piss-hitting-water noise. The downside of that option is the piss ricocheting off and back onto you. Or 2) piss directly into the water so as to avoid splash back. Or 3) stand 20 feet away and take your best shot. It’s a pick-your-poison type of situation when standing at the urinal of a crowded men’s room. You gotta be careful with option #2 so as not make the stream so strong that it makes the water splash. And that’s that. Those are the urinal options that have worked for hundreds of years. We don’t need physicists staring at urinal blueprints and grease boards for hours on end.

*If you’re pissing into a urinal with a urinal cake, find the angle. It’s there and you’ll find it because you’ve pissed into a million urinals.  Regular guys might not be physicists but they momentarily become them when they encounter a urinal cake.

PS- There’s also a secret fourth option and that’s when you purposely piss into the water and get a bunch noise going so you can let out a fart. Why do girls think guys are gross?