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The Ugly, Uglier, And Ugliest From The Eagles Getting Curbstomped At Home To The Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Well that was fun. There were only three half decent things from that live abortion yesterday at the Linc: The first drive of the game. Sproles’ TD. And Sproles going boom.

That’s it. Those were the three even remotely redeemable moments from arguably the most embarrassing loss at home since the Eagles were eviscerated by the Super Bowl bound Seahawks in in 2005 on MNF. Let’s get on with the sad recap.

The Ugly: – N/A.

The Uglier: – N/A.

The Ugliest: – EVERYTHING.

The Once Valiant Defense – Was rookie Jordan Hicks that valuable? This defensive unit, the once heart and soul of this Eagles team, was beaten, gashed, and dicked over to the tune of 38 points and 521 yards. You can call literally anyone out individually for playing like dogshit. Sure, Mike Evans is a beast, but Byron Maxwell and Nolan Carroll couldn’t cover a few nobodies out there. Who the FUCK were #84 and #11 and why did they look like Jerry Rice and Andre Reed in their primes? Every time #11 caught a pass it took me back to when Joe Jurivicious would eat my balls for breakfast game in and game out. Muscle Hamster has been having a decent year but there’s no excuse for him to rush for 235 yards, almost 200 of them occurring in the first half. This rush defense has gone from 4th in the league heading into the Panthers game to where it limps now at 26th. Kiko Alonso looks lost. DeMarco Ryans looks hurt. Brandon Graham looks useless. How many times did these guys go offsides on third and fucking short? Only 1 turnover and 1 sack vs. a ROOKIE QB who threw for 5 TD’s isn’t going to win any ballgames.

WHY CAN’T ANYONE MAKE A GODDAMN PLAY?!?!?!?! – This has been a staple of this team all year long. So many instances where other professional athletes making millions of dollars go above and beyond to make a freaking play and the Eagles simply can’t. They just can’t. How many times yesterday could someone step up and do something that would’ve been gamechanging? Connor Barwin dropped one right in the breadbasket. Malcolm Jenkins bobbling and not coming up with missed pick 5/11 on the season. Big plays went off Ertz’s and Celek’s hands. The defense stripped the ball numerous times and only recovered one fumble. How about Demarco earns his big bucks, picks up his OL, and takes one to the house? AP, Gurley, and other “elite” backs in the NFL don’t seem to have an issue with taking one the distance every so often. The only real super duper effort was by Josh Huff on his run after catch that resulted in a TD on the first drive, so naturally they only give him one other target the entire game.

These Recievers STINK – A common theme every. Freaking. Week. 10 catches for 105 and 1 TD. A pretty decent outing for an above average WR in the NFL, not all of your fucking receivers COMBINED. But at least Truck Nuts made an appearance with not one but, GASP, TWO catches. But hey, he’s good for the run game though. Stalk blocking 15-yards down the field really matters when your RB is consistently shattered before he gets back to the line of scrimmage.

The Artist Formerly Known As Sanchize – No, it wasn’t all his fault, but he clearly didn’t put them in a position to “Execute”. Check down to the TE and RB a little more, Mark. Bradford is practicing this week so at least there’s that.

This

Whoever The Fuck Runs The Eagles Twitter Account – Sweet Tweet to throw out while down 35-14. Everyone in this God forsaken organization is incompetent.

3rd And Long? Guarenteed 1st Down, All Day, Everyday. – Like Freaking Clockwork

Chip Kelly - He blamed the defense again, and again, and again. But like St. Diddy said, your offense stinks, too, dude. It’s very evident Chip Kelly the GM is failing Chip Kelly the HC right now, but both are performing at a piss poor level. This has potential to get real bad real quick, especially if he loses the locker room. I’m not making excuses for the man. That effort from a coaching and playing standpoint was abysmal and embarrassing. And this shit needs to get fixed, NOW. How do we do that? I don’t fucking know. Even worse, I don’t even fucking care. JUST DO IT. This team is better than what it’s shown the past two weeks, it’s just about putting it all together. Whether it can be done at this point is the real question.

It’s not over. Not by a long shot. Somehow they’re still only 1 game out of first and still somewhat control their own destiny, but this team is fucked if they keep playing like that. And by fucked I mean a 5-alarm dumpster fire that could very well lose out. There’s really nothing else to say but take me back to when we had that glimmer in our eyes.

2015 Eagles – Yesterday from Dom Kane on Vimeo.