Apparently Winnie The Pooh Is A Chick

Seventeen - So, it looks like we were lied to our entire childhood! Winnie the Pooh is not a boy. SHE is a girl and she’s from Canada, not England. Really!  In a new picture book called “Finding Winnie: The True Story of the World’s Most Famous Bear,” we learn that Winnie is actually named after a black bear from London Zoo called Winnie, real name Winnipeg, reports Bustle. Winnipeg is Canadian!  The new book was written by ??Lindsay Mattick?, who is the granddaughter of the soldier who was responsible for bringing Winnie to England. His name was ?Lieutenant Harry Colebourn? and he bought the bear for just $20 during the First World War. They became inseparable, until he had to leave Winnie at the London Zoo so he could go off with his unit to France. There’s a happy ending though: Winnie got a new BFF quickly, a little boy who always visited her at the zoo. That boy’s name was ?Christopher Robin?. Making sense now? Little Christopher even named his own toy bear after Winnie. And who was Christopher’s dad? Author ?A. A. Milne?, who went on to write the classic Winnie books. Mystery, solved! 

Well I guess we should have seen this one coming. I mean how are we all floored by this revelation. That fucking slut Winnie doesnt wear any pants.

Do you see a dick there? No. No you do not. I mean we’ve all been watching this dickless bear for for like 100 years and we’re all shocked when it turns out shes a chick? The bear doesnt have a dick, folks. Having a dick is the number 1 sign you’re a dude. We probably should all have seen this coming.

Not to mention the 100 Acre Wood is one of those most gender confused places in the fucking world. I mean Piglet? What the fuck is Piglet? Piglet is apparently a dude. That is one confused little hog. Huge gayball, no doubt. I wouldnt bat an eyelash if you told me Piglet was a chick. And how about Rabbit. Rabbit is a fucking dude. I always thought Rabbit was a chick. A nasty old spinster living alone in her hole. She’s always gardening and cooking and cleaning and shit. Total old lady moves. And apparently its a dude.

And dont even get me started on Christopher fucking Robin. Caitlyn Jenner thinks Christopher Robin has gender issues.

So forgive me if I’m not shocked that Pooh is a girl. Dont get me wrong, I dont like it one bit. Completely fucks with my whole perception of one of my favorite cartoons growing up. But I’m just saying your boy A.A. Milne clearly had some shit going on when he wrote all these characters. Shouldnt shock anyone that W.T.P is a girl.

PS – Now Winnie The Pooh needs to lose wait. When he was a dude and he had that fat pot belly filled with hunny it was funny. Now she’s just a gross overweight slob. Clean it up, Pooh. You’re never gonna get married being fat like that.