The Story About The 94-Year-Old Chicago Billionaire Who Is Paying Staffers To Feed "Exotic Nuts and Seeds" To Rats In His Lincoln Park Neighborhood Just Gets Better and Better

Axios- The city is weighing legal action against Lincoln Park billionaire Barre Seid over claims that his nut-spreading operation is fueling a rat infestation around Green City Market, Ald. Timmy Knudsen (43rd) says.

Why it matters: The infestation is causing property damage that could leave taxpayers on the hook for repairs, according to city documents.

Plus, Knudsen says Seid's nut-spreading activities have expanded in recent months, even as the city has ramped up citations against him.

Of note: Seid has paid all the fines and tickets without contesting the violations.

Catch up quick: "For more than three years," Seid has "hired individuals to place nuts, seeds and other foods around" his home, then expanded to Lincoln Park where they place food "around and in trees and throughout the park," a 43rd Ward document states.

• After years of citations, Knudsen issued a final warning letter to Seid last August noting that "the feeding has created a public health hazard," attracting "flocks of pigeons, whose droppings have in turn attracted a significant rat infestation."
• The letter demanded that Seid stop the feeding, "secure all garbage …in rodent-safe containers" and "take corrective measures against the harborage to rats" within 15 days. But the billionaire has not responded.

What they're saying: "When we exhaust our aldermanic authority, which is typically through [Streets and San], we have to get creative, and that's why we're pushing the park district to file a lawsuit for damage to the park," Knudsen tells Axios.

• "The rat burrows have gotten so much bigger where these nuts are being laid out and the Green City Market vendors are seeing the rats during setup. It's creating an unfortunate situation in a beautiful part of the park."

The other side: Seid — who owned Chicago's Tripp Lite electronics company — did not answer when Axios rang his doorbell Tuesday. A woman recently answered the door to a WGN crew but closed it without comment.

Zoom in: When asked by neighbors and park staff why they spread the nuts, Seid's workers have responded with "hostile" language but no explanation, neighbor Caroline Novak tells Axios.

I've lived in Chicago long enough to know that one of this city's favorite pastimes, right behind drinking and complaining about the weather, is bitching about our billionaire sports owners. They don't spend enough money, they don't care about winning, they won't invest in their teams, and every time somebody wants a new stadium, the taxpayers are somehow expected to pick up the tab.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I am happy to report that Chicago finally has a billionaire owner who's willing to do whatever it takes to build a winner. But unfortunately, his team is a bunch of fucking rats.

Meet Barre Seid. 

He's 94 years old, worth billions, made his fortune in electronics, mainly extension cords and power strips (love that) and apparently has decided that the best way to spend his golden years is to bankroll what might be the most extravagant rodent feeding operation in American history. No joke. 

And when I say extravagant, I mean extravagant.

According to reports from Block Club Chicago, and Axios, Seid and his wife Barbara have allegedly been paying people for YEARS to walk around their Lincoln Park neighborhood and distribute nuts to squirrels and other wildlife. And we're not talking about a few peanuts from Walgreens here.

We're talking the good shit too. Brazil nuts, walnuts, hazelnuts, pecans, and my personal favorite- macadamian nuts. The kind of shit that costs $19 for a bag the size of your fist at Whole Foods.

One neighbor described the spread as a "luxury mélange of really nice nuts," which might be the most Lincoln Park sentence ever uttered.

These aren't your everyday Chicago rats anymore. Now we're talking rats with generational wealth. These vermin summer in the Hamptons. Rats that have never flown commercial. Rats that wouldn't be caught dead eating a piece of pizza off the Red Line tracks with the rest of their degenerate cousins. And apparently, business is BOOMING.

One neighbor, David Pike, told reporters he counted 42 rats in 15 minutes near the piles of nuts.

FORTY-TWO! 

That is fucking insanity. And it's not so much a "rat problem" anymore as much as it's basically a mercenary army or expansion franchise. You've got your starters, your bench, practice squad, a farm system, and probably a couple of highly touted prospects from overseas.

The best part of it is that Seid allegedly claims he "isn't even TRYING to feed the rats". He's ALLEGEDLY feeding just the squirrels and the pigeons. The rats just showed up, took one look at the buffet, and decided they were never leaving.

Which, honestly, is the most Chicago thing imaginable. You try to do something nice, and suddenly 42 freeloaders show up expecting you to take care of them.

Last week I stopped by The Yak and Kate and Dan brought this story up to me trying to get my take on it, and I initially declined to comment because I thought it was somebody who was mentally ill doing something that was actually kind of a sad story. But turns out that's not the case whatsoever. 

This guy is just a rebel without a cause. 

Which you kind of gotta respect. 

I guess some men just truly want to watch the world burn. 

Because…

THE CITY CAN'T GET THIS GUY TO STOP.

They've warned him, written him letters. They've issued citations and they've fined him repeatedly.

And according to Axios, Seid has happily paid every single fine without contesting them. 

Not only that, but Alderman Timmy Knudsen says the feeding has actually INCREASED since they started ticketing him.

Now don't get me wrong, I fucking hate rats, but I fucking love this.

The city is treating these fines like punishment and Seid is treating them like operating expenses. And newsflash for city hall- that's not a fine so much as its a luxury tax.

This is an owner who sees his team sitting atop the standings, looks at the league commissioner threatening sanctions, and says, "I don't give a shit. We're going for a fucking championship. Fuck you fine me."

Jerry Reinsdorf, are you paying attention? THIS is what commitment to winning looks like.

The city even sent him a "final warning letter" (lol) back on August 25, giving him 15 days to knock it off. We're now approaching November, and the latest reporting still has officials discussing possible legal action.

At this point, I'm starting to think Seid considers these letters and warnings fan mail.

And whats also great is the operation itself sounds like something straight out of Goodfellas.

Apparently, he's got actual employees, he pays lots of money, walking around Lincoln Park carrying matching shoulder bags full of nuts, depositing them at various locations. Think about that for a second.

There are grown adults in Chicago whose JOB is to walk around distributing gourmet nuts to wild animals like pigeons, squirrels, and rats on behalf of a billionaire. And these people are as fucking loyal as the come. These nut dispatchers have been like fucking Frank Pantengeli taking the stand- 

Because apparently neighbors and park employees who've confronted the workers say they've been met with "hostility and profanity."

Imagine that. You're walking through a public park, you see some guy pouring $300 worth of Brazilian tree nuts into a hole, you politely ask what he's doing, and he basically tells you to go fuck yourself. That's a made man you're dealing with.

These guys aren't giving up the boss and they're not cooperating with authorities. They're out there protecting the family business like the FBI just showed up at the back door of Satriale's.

I've worked in the hospitality business for years so I know how hard it is to find reliable employees who actually give a shit about their jobs. And here's a 94-year-old billionaire who somehow assembled a team of guys willing to risk verbal confrontations with angry Lincoln Park residents over a bag of fucking pecans. I need to know what he's paying these people. Immediately. It has to be a shit ton.

And it gets better.

Seid is notoriously private. He's reportedly described himself as having "anonymity paranoia" and has even used the alias Ebert or Elbert Howell in business dealings. So we've got a mysterious billionaire operating under an assumed name, a network of fiercely loyal employees distributing goods throughout the neighborhood, a government that's trying unsuccessfully to shut the operation down, and an expanding empire of rats.

This is either the most bizarre animal welfare operation in human history or the pilot episode of the greatest HBO crime drama never made. Meanwhile, the rats are living better than most Chicagoans I know. Think about it- free gourmet meals every day. Premium real estate in Lincoln Park. Expanding underground facilities. An owner with unlimited financial resources who doesn't blink at fines. No salary cap or rebuild. No five-year plan. Just flat out fucking winning.

And while it's hilarious to imagine a bunch of rats living like Saudi princes, I do genuinely feel bad for the neighbors. They've complained about the growing infestation, the damage to the park, and the fact that their kids can't safely play in certain areas anymore.

The Park District is reportedly considering legal options, and there are concerns taxpayers could end up footing the bill for repairs. Shocker. Because, come to think of it, that might be the most realistic part of this entire sports franchise comparison.

A billionaire builds his dream operation, the local community gets inconvenienced, and the public might end up paying for the facilities. That is Chicago sports ownership in a nutshell.

I have no idea how this saga ends. But I am captivated. Maybe the city finally gets a court order, or maybe Seid decides to call it quits. Or hell, maybe the rats eventually unionize and demand better working conditions?

If they ever shut down this operation, those nut delivery guys are going to hit the open market, and I want first dibs on hiring them. Because anybody willing to stand in the middle of Lincoln Park and tell a concerned taxpayer to fuck off rather than reveal who's financing their walnut distribution network is exactly the kind of employee I want working security at my bars.

And as for the rats? Enjoy it while it lasts, boys.