MLB Sends Out a Ridiculous, 34-Page Guide on How Teams Should Handle the Coming Lockout as its 3rd Highest Payroll Gets Swept By its 25th Highest
What a great week this was for America. There's nothing we as a people enjoy more than a good underdog story. The little guys, outmanned and outgunned, triumphing over the great powers is the very core of our national identity. It's how this country was born. It's the theme of all our best sports movies. From Rocky (OK, Rocky II, where he actually wins the belt.) Hoosiers. Miracle. Hell, Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story put the word right in the subtitle. It's how we wee ourselves as a people, even though we've been hauling ass to the moon and back for 250 years.
So when the Rays completed their series sweep last night, it's something that everyone outside the Yankees fanbase can be rejoice over. It's a great example of the poor kids beating the snot-nosed, silver-spooned richies. As the movie poster of that other "triumph of the underdog" film Caddyshack put it, "The slobs vs. the snobs." Afterall, here are the payroll numbers, according to Grok:
Yankees: 3rd most at $304.6 million
Rays: 25th most at $98.3 million
By the way I was taught to do math, that means the winners have 32.3% of the payroll of teams they just beat the bag out of.
Proving that all those cliches repeated by coaches about how many "I's" are in "TEAM" and the size of dogs in fights, weren't just tired old bromides. They actually mean something. And the example set by Tampa can give hope to all small market teams. Which is a reason to celebrate.
Unless you happen to be Major League Baseball. If you're Rob Manfred or any of his minions who can't seem to ever know how to take a win, this series was your nightmare. Because they're so fooking invested in their stupid lockout, that this was the worst possible outcome.
MLB is now less than two months away from trying to make the case that they need to shut down the entire 2027 season in order to save the game. Save it from their own owners, but they won't talk about that. No, they're going to try convince the public those greedhead players you pay to watch are to blame here. If they didn't keep signing the contracts they get offered and would just agree to a salary cap, well then by golly the game will have the competitive balance we all desire.
In order to make that argument make any sense, they needed the Yankees and Dodger in the World Series. While hoping we all forget that the lowest payroll in the game, Cleveland, is still alive in the playoffs, while the highest payroll belonged to the Mets, who finished last in their division, 14-games under .500. Teams like Tampa and Cleveland winning makes a traveshammockery of their whole premise.
But as a reminder, in case you've forgotten, this is MLB we're talking about. An organization that has proven historically they're capable of fucking up a free lunch. Their timing was such that this same week their entire case for "closing the gap" between the high and low payrolls was being nuked from orbit, they sent out a league-wide memo that serves as a handy how-to guide. Like one of those pamphlets in your doctor's office. "What You Should Know About Moderate-to-Severe Work Stoppages."
Spoiler: The world's most elite ballplayers better not get their hopes up about this year's corporate holiday cards.
The Athletic - Dan Halem, MLB’s second-in-command to commissioner Rob Manfred, shared the confidential, 34-page memo to owners and high-ranking team executives on Oct. 1, detailing what club officials should expect — and how they should act — during the stoppage.
The guidance recommends that teams avoid sending holiday cards to players once the lockout begins, spells out proper etiquette for team staff attending players’ weddings, and says MLB won’t stand in the way if players want to play in Japan or elsewhere during the stoppage that’s likely to begin at midnight Eastern entering Dec. 2. ...
Player images and videos will again be “scrubbed” from official team and league websites, the memo says, a repeat of what happened during the 2021-22 lockout.
MLB’s digital arm “will create an alternate version of all club websites and other MLB-controlled websites from which all players’ likenesses have been eliminated consistent with these rules,” the memo reads. “Player images (including from their profile pages) and videos would be removed, and player names and pictures would be removed from article headlines.” ...
A core principle of the lockout is separation.
Club officials are supposed to avoid players “to the greatest extent possible,” because “the line between permissible and prohibited conversations is not always clear,” Halem wrote.
If a club official runs into a player in public, they “should be cordial,” MLB advised. If team staffers have been invited to a player’s wedding, they may attend the nuptials during the lockout, but have to avoid talking shop.
But if a player left his car at a team facility for the winter, it has to be removed. ...
“Sending Players holiday cards or gifts would not be permissible during a Lockout,” Halem wrote. “Clubs could send holiday cards or gifts to players prior to Dec. 2.”
Maybe I had the wrong metaphor earlier. This isn't a medical pamphlet as much as it's a Miss Manners book. "A Front Office Guide to Lockout Etiquette."
DO: Attend the wedding you've been graciously invited to. Be well-dressed, pleasant and polite. And be sure to bring your gift to the reception, if not beforehand.
DON'T: Discuss the Collective Bargaining Agreement, allow anyone's Porsche 911 GT3 RS in the parking garage after hours, and above all do not send anything offering Christmas, Hanukah, or Kwanzaa greetings.
The fate of the entire competitive balance of the sport depends on following this 34-page guideline to the letter. The future of professional baseball hangs in the balance. And we're all just one slip up, one "Happy New Year" meme texted to the wrong Player's Association member away from a lifetime of never seeing small market team ever compete again.
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Except for the pesky matter of it not seeming to matter in the on-the-field results. And while the Dodgers still look to be the team to beat, if they don't win it all, the foundation of sand the owner's argument is built on will crumble even further. Which is why anyone who wants to avoid a spring and summer without baseball should be pulling hard for Milwaukee (19th in payroll), Tampa, Cleveland, or the White Sox (26th). But it's hard to even do that knowing that Manfred, Halem, and the owners are all preparing for a long, protracted war.
Enjoy the rest of the postseason. And Merry Christmas.