Dante is Right.... The rumors are true... I had sex with a Barstool podcaster.

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It has come to my attention that one of the young ladies in the Barstool Vegas Spring Break Beach House In The Desert has been implicated in an affair with a married co-worker.

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And I have also been alerted that one of the senior members of the 'free-vacation crew' has thrown my name into the ring as the potential adulterer.

Well… If there's one thing I don't like, it's young people.  And if there is another thing I don't like, it's rumors. So I am here to set the record straight and confess the following…

I have been steady-fucking the co-host of the Twisted History podcast for almost 30 years.

In my defense, we met before either of us was married, and SHE was the one who aggressively stalked ME until I eventually gave up the goods… And by "the goods", I mean I gave up buckets of motile semen that eventually became responsible for the three kids we have together over the course of our 27-year marriage.

Before I decided to pen this confession, I made sure I informed my family of this earth-shattering news, and my kids responded with a collective, "Ewwww, Dad… You're gross."

Not the response I was hoping for, but discussing this issue aloud is a positive start.

If you'd like to know when the last time I banged this podcaster… A woman who has cohosted over 200 episodes of Twisted History alongside Jeff Vibbert and me… Then I would urge you to watch the latest episode of the podcast we host together, and you can clearly see (and perhaps even smell) the sexual tension between my pheremone-emitting self and this little hussy who still craves regular doses of Vitamin L.

(And, again, by "Vitamin L" I mean the aforementioned buckets of motile semen.)

Coincidentally, this latest episode is all about Power Couples from history… Which is apropos, considering we are the most important couple in the fucking world, as far as I'm concerned.

And, to nip any future allegations in the bud, I will assert that there is no physical contact with any other Barstool employees in my past that could be interpreted as being more affectionate than a firm handshake. So, going forward, maybe keep my name out of your fucking mouths.

Take a report.

-Large