Comparing Her Ex-Husband's Dick To Two Coke Cans Might Cost Haley Kalil Over $75,000
Two cans of Coca Cola might be costing Matt Kalil's ex-wife Haley over $75,000.00. Considering single cans go for about $1.00 these days that's a whopping markup.
You can get a full refresher HERE, but long story short, Matt and Haley Kalil divorced in 2022 after seven years of marriage. Last year Haley went on a Twitch stream & alluded to Matt's penis being the reason for the split, noting it was the size of "two Coca-Cola cans stacked on top of each other -- maybe a third" (that's 14.5 inches but who's counting) and that it would leave her in tears. This, of course, blew up like a sleeve of Mentos plopped into a full liter and exploded across the internet from there.
Now, Matt is taking her to court.
The 36-year-old is suing for invasion of privacy, as it disclosed "highly intimate and private facts regarding Plaintiff's physical person and sexual life" … as well as unjust enrichment, saying Haley "received substantial financial benefit, increased viewership, increased engagement, and monetization through various social media platforms and media coverage."
He's now requesting a jury trial and damages "on all causes asserted in the complaint," with the amount exceeding $75,000.
My first thought was, "Brilliant move by Matt to get this permanently on public record so people can't forget his size", but I also understand how it would be upsetting. He alleged, which receipts, that his new wife & family were left with a barrage of messages that became "increasingly frequent, disturbing, and alarming in nature over time."
I imagine if my ex went on a podcast and talked about my vagina being wider than a 38oz Dinty Moore Stew can, my current man would get a few tough comments and I'd be beside myself. (I'd like to clarify that it's only as wide as the 25oz cans.) In fact, two years ago I did a joke Insta-post about getting finger blasted at my High School reunion and he's been getting called a cuck by strangers online ever since. (Sorry Pat!)
At the end of the day, ChatGPT tells me (Katie Journalism!) that this is going to be a tricky case that might set a precedent for others going forward. I - an idiot with no legal background who doesn't understand how any of this works - think his lawyers would have to prove she said these things and (quite possibly) exaggerated on purpose to create a buzz with the intent of going viral & enriching herself. Otherwise I'm not sure they can go after her for talking about a lived experience, even if it was private and of a sensitive nature. Not sure where the line is there. Interested to see how this plays out.